Let the haters hate: The Art of dealing with Critics and Naysayers

By Bela Khan

Bismillah

The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam had Abdullah Bin Ubayy’s adversity in life. He also had many other haters. It hurts to have haters, it is human nature. But this hurt should not be powerful enough to stop us from fulfilling our purpose and pursuing our mission. Let the haters hate. Let the caravan go on.

I also had my days of struggle. During the early days of my transformation, where I was becoming a Muslim by choice instead of being Muslim by chance, I was scared of people. I confess. And this fear was overwhelming. I did not want people to hate me. You know, it is a powerful influence, the fear of love lost. No one wants people to hate them and everyone is fearful of losing love.

Well, let us face it. It has to happen at some point in your life if you are pursuing the path of righteousness and carrying the Prophetic mission forward. If you are on your quest of searching for the truth, then the truth is going to hurt. If you raise your voice to say what’s right, people will not like it. No one likes to hear that their way of life is not accurate or not in line with divine guidance. Even the most misguided people think that they are leading an angelic lifestyle.

From Immense Love to Animosity

The Prophet Muhammad’s (salAllahu alayhi wasallam) uncle, Abu Lahab, loved him dearly. When he was born, Abu Lahab was overjoyed and freed his slave-woman who brought the news of the Prophet’s salAllahu alayhi wasallam birth. He was his (salAllahu alayhi wasallam) next door neighbor. Later, the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam married two of his daughters to two sons of Abu Lahab. So, you see they were so strongly bonded. It is not easy to let go of the love when you are so strongly intertwined. But then the love transformed into animosity, the warmth of the emotions disappeared, the relationship got scarred and he started HATING the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. He became his most stringent opponent and worst critic. Why? He did not want to hear the truth. He did not want to change. You see, no one likes being told that they are less than perfect.

Never Give Up Preaching

But what did the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam do? Did he give up preaching the message because his dear uncle started hating him? No. He was not a people pleaser though it might have hurt to be hated and the fear of love lost would have been astounding. However the hurt and fear combined were not powerful enough to stop him from standing for what’s right and upholding Allah’s Law.

Haters demoralize you. Every ounce of negativity they generate with their words or actions is very destructive for your morale and mission. The not-so-complicated formula to deal with them is to fix them. And if you cannot fix them, avoid them. Allah says in the Qur’an,

“But if they turn away, [O Muhammad] - then only upon you is [responsibility for] clear notification.” 16:82

Avoid them? Yes, because your job is to convey the truth and not to make them accept it. Accountability rests with Allah. 

“You are not the manager of their affairs” – 88:22

Steer Clear of the Haters

So, why is it important to let them go after giving them the Message in the most clear and respectable way. Especially when these people are critical of your mission and your dawah, it is very important to avoid them at every cost. Why, you ask? It is because negative people have destructive negative energy associated with them. Have you ever noticed that when some people call you, the mere sight of their “names” flashing on your mobile screen is enough to make you turn your mobile to silent. This is their lethal negative energy. Even if you do your best to ignore their negativism (either in the form of words, actions or facial expressions), your subconscious mind records it all. It penetrates your thoughts even before you notice its impact. It is suicidal to let too much criticism enter your brain because if you do so, your subconscious will record the data. And every time you come across a difficult situation or you fail at something, your subconscious will bombard those images back at you (“See? I told you. You are such a loser.”). And you will start to believe that your haters were right after all.

Let us be very clear about one thing here. Throughout this article, I am talking about an ill-intended criticism and not the constructive feedback that pushes you to become a better version of yourself. I am just focusing on the strategy of the haters that thrive on the opportunity of bulldozing your personality, debilitating your self-esteem, challenging your aspirations and just about crushing you. Their ultimate joy lies in the fact that they pull you down to their level. We live in a world where we are bombarded with negative images all around us. Television, newspaper and social media are constantly broadcasting a never ending stream of nasty goings-on. We have so much repulsiveness going around that this gives us a better reason to avoid the negative people even more.

Negativity in Disguise

When we are talking about the negative people and haters, it is very important for me to introduce to you Brutus. Yes, the same well-trusted Shakespearean Brutus who lovingly stabbed Caesar. Why am I bringing it up in this context? That is because it is incumbent upon us to know that we are surrounded by a lot of Brutuses . It is easier to recognize the negative people who are venting their negativity openly and are being malevolent but it is very hard to recognize those who have pleasantly disguised themselves. These are the people who are actually stabbing us in our backs. They will tell you that you are a loser and that you cannot do it but in such a pleasant manner that you will never be able to identify their sinister intentions because – well, they all are your well-wishers after all.

Actually, they are NOT. Their agenda is to discourage and demotivate you very subtly and slowly so that you may never find out what they are up to. I will give you a quick example from my life. When I wrote my research synopsis, my professor told me that if I really complete this research, it is going to be a unique discovery and a great contribution. But then, I met some well-wishers who told me that it is impossible to carry out this kind of research at my level. Usually M.Phil. research work is that intense and detailed. “And you are getting married in a few months, what if you fail to complete it, you will fail M.Phil.altogether”. Scary enough.my guards were down and their trick worked. I completed my with an insignificant amount research.

So, their efforts worked. These pathological critics are on a mission to give you a sugar-coated poison. Drink it and you are dead. Similarly, heed their advice and you are sabotaged. You will change your subjects, jobs, give up dawah missions or make similar stupid decisions in your life because a critic (who does not have any credential himself) told you to do so. Do not let them dictate your decisions. Do not let them sit in the driver’s seat of your life. They are Brutuses – who are stabbing you in the back. Watch out!

So what you need to do is to have enough courage not to let these nasty people or Brutuses come near you. You can never achieve any success in both worlds if you have surrounded yourself with haters and naysayers.

Do not despair and do not dignify the haters

And now, listen very closely. If you are a da’ee working to uphold Allah’s system, you will see plenty such people in your life. Probably it’s also a part of Allah’s Master Plan to test us with these people. When you are doing Amar bil Maroof, most of the people will love you, but Nahee anil Munkir is the real challenge. It is when your loved ones will become your enemy and your friends will become foes. As I said earlier, people hardly want to mend their ways s o they attack you to hide their shortcomings. “You know what? You should start doing dawah when you are a perfect Muslim yourself.” “Oh, this is a temporary phase, it will go away”. “I’ll see how long you really are going to carry yourself in Hijaab”. Let them blow their steam. Do not let them discourage you from your mission. Do not let them scare you.

Allah subhaanahuwat’ala says,

“…So fear them not, but fear Me…” 2:150

Are their own hands clean with what they are accusing you of? Are they living a life in perfect obedience to Allah and His Messenger? Is their criticism worth being dignified with your attention? If the answer is NO, then say good-bye to the uninvited criticism and move on. Do what you are supposed to do. Carry out your mission and ignore them. Remember, the Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wassallam never dignified Abdullah Bin Ubaiy with his counter arguments. He never sought counsel from Abu Lahab. He never put an ear to the criticism of those who called him a poet or lunatic. He just did what he was supposed to do – spread the light. I remind myself and you to do the same, spread positivity and the negativity will take care of itself.

Stay tuned for my next article – What to do when the negative people are your dear ones?

I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please leave comments in the section below!

Posted in: adversity,Bela Khan,difficulties,hate,Truth