Apr 11, 2014

5 Steps to strengthen your relationship with your mother (Part 2)

By Melody

PART 1


Bismillah


We continue to look at the other ways in which we can strengthen the relationship with our mother.

3) Spending time together
Once you establish your want to embark on this journey, the next step is planning to regularly spend more quality time with your mother. This can be in the form of going out to meals, shopping together, spend more time with her during holidays, or simply at the dinner table. It can be hard at first, especially when you sense a generation/culture gap, but give it a go. 

Listen to your mother’s life experiences and you will find that aside from the different environment she may have been in, there is still much you can relate to. You begin to realise, “Hey, she was just like me once.” Conversely, talk to her about your life and about your day at school/university/work. Tell her if you have a problem and ask her to make duaa for you; the mother’s duaa is a powerful tool that should not be disregarded. As you experience the power of her duaa and the sincerity she has for you, and as you sense peace upon being on good terms with her, watch how your heart will automatically soften and ultimately lead to you enjoying her company and inshaAllah becoming almost like good friends. 

Remember what Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said when someone inquired about who is best entitled to one’s companionship; in the hadith we are told that he simply replied with “your mother” three times, therefore ensure that you dedicate time within your schedule to spend with her.

4) Patience
Conflicts, arguments, and quarrels amongst parents and their children are common in any home. It can be difficult to resist anger in times of conflict, especially when you feel you are wronged. So here is some advice to help overcome those moments. 

In the middle of a heated argument, the best thing to do is to keep silent. Another tip would be to say ‘sorry,’ even if you feel it’s not your fault. Immediately, you will see the argument will cool down. This may take a lot of self-control, but you will get there with practice, of which the key is to be patient.Undoubtedly you will slip at times, but what you should NOT do is give up. Keep returning to Him (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in repentance and ask for guidance; you will be amazed at how He is able to transform an awkward situation so subtly. Ponder over the following beautiful words of the Qur’an in relation to parents:

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, 
"My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small. 
Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] - then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving 
(Surah Al-Isra 17:24-25)


5) Helping around the home
Whether it is house chores, helping your younger siblings, taking over a role that your mother normally takes on, or undertaking an action that you know will please her, take the initiative. Indeed, by following the steps above, over time you will find that these actions will actually be done out of love, not out of “must;” this will really show in your behaviour. Furthermore, remind yourself of the tremendous rewards associated with doing these acts, and little by little you will see your relationship blossom.


References
1 Sahih Muslim, Book of Prayers, number 1656
2 These observations were taken from tafseer notes by Nouman Ali on surah Al-Israa verse 23, the PDF of his tafseer notes can be found here:http://www.linguisticmiracle.com/download-all-tafseer-notes-compiled-in-1-zip-folder-14mb
3Sahih bukhari, volume 1 book 2 no.47
4Sahih Bukhari, hadith 8.2

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What do you suggest to strengthen one's relationship with their mother? Leave a comment in the comments section below :)

5 comments:

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