Apr 4, 2014

5 Steps to strengthen your relationship with your mother (Part 1)

By Melody



One of the most difficult duties to maintain at a time where respect for elders is becoming insignificant is adhering to good treatment towards parents, particularly the mother. The key to establishing a strong bond with our mother is to work from within, after the outward will automatically manifest. Here are a few practical steps on how one can embark on such a journey and, inshaAllah with sincerity, time, and effort, result in a healthy, stable relationship with the key woman of our life.

1) Duaa

A sincere supplication can change lives. This is the first crucial step to helping you on your way to building a strong relationship with your mother. Regardless of where you stand at the moment and how weak your relationship is with your mother, sincerity in duaa can make the journey easy for you and transform your relationship dramatically. Do not forget, though, that the key is to be sincere. By that I mean for you to really want what you are asking for from your heart; you should be willing to work hard to achieve it. To help reach that point, you should spend some time reflecting, as I will explain further in my next point. In addition, choose praiseworthy moments to make duaa, such as in sujood and in the last third of the night1, and supplicate to your heart’s content!

2) Reflection

a. Quran

The Qur’an is a good place to start when seeking guidance and advice; it is our Master’s way of communicating with us. With regards to parents, there are numerous verses in the Qur’an that emphasize the importance of treating our parent’s kindly, and reflection on such verses can be a huge motivator to treat parents with kindness and compassion.

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." ” (Surah Al-Isra 17:23-24)

Notice something remarkable about the Qur'an; in this verse, and many other verses in the Qur’an with regards to the good treatment of parents, the word “ihsaan” is used. We know from the hadith of Jibreel that the highest level we can reach with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is Ihsaan (excellence). However, with regards to parents and our expected treatment towards them, ihsaan is actually the starting/lowest point! This greatly highlights the importance of treating them with excellence. Furthermore, Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) in this verse mentions straight away, after decreeing tawheed, to exhibit the best possible behaviour towards both our parents. Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) asks from us an unconditional relationship with our biological parents, even if they are not kind towards us, even if they are non-Muslim, even if we feel they do not understand us, still they should be treated with kindness.

b. Contemplate blessings

One of the many possible factors that blind us from treating our mothers the way we ought to is forgetting their favours upon us and taking them for granted. But if we were to regularly reflect on how different our lives would be if they were not with us, and how much they contribute at present and have contributed in the past, we would realize that we can never truly give back the unconditional love they have been giving us since birth.

“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”(Surah Luqman 31:14)

Imagine not having a mother at all; imagine being deprived of a motherly figure from birth. Whilst we may find their over-protective nature irritating at times, let us think about the underlying intention behind what they say/do, and the utmost blessing it is to have a figure in our lives that cares and desires the best for us as much as they do I want you to watch this video, not to spark depression but to help fuel the drive to make the most of your time with her, whilst she is still within your reach: http://youtu.be/4hYiChv1QOM


What do you suggest to strengthen one's relationship with their mother? Leave a comment in the comments section below :)


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