By Alawiya Abdalla
Please move, please move please move please move! I stand there dumbfounded at the sight of John’s giant motionless body!
I put both my hands on my head, and stand there completely and utterly scared.
“What have I done???” I tell myself, my voice close to tears
My mind has gone blank from fear, I just stand there not knowing what to do.
It takes me 10 minutes to decide that I am gonna leave him there There are no witnesses! Well apart from Kat but she has fled.
Even if the police tracks her down, she does not know my name I think I can get away with it!
There is just the tiny matter of Kevin What is he gonna do to me?? He will definitely KILL me
I dash outside the flat as the realization of my actions becomes crystal clear. I am a criminal now, there is no denying that.
And what would Shaimaa do when she finds out?? It is over between us before I even got the chance to tell her how much I love her
She does not deserve a criminal for a husband! from now on I am definitely going to keep my distance from her, even though it is gonna be very painful
I love our intelligent conversations, and the fact that she is my wife makes it all more romantic and sweet. I have never been on that kind of level with a girl
Sadly I used to use them and then toss them aside gently. I know that was a jerky thing to do, but I actually used to treat women as conquests. As soon as I get them, and that was not very hard at times I get bored with them.
But with Shaimaa, everything is exciting with that sunny smile of hers
But I cannot put her in danger. They will definitely seek revenge on everyone I love, but if I keep my loved ones at distance they will only kill me
I do not even know how I got home, but I am standing at the back entrance when I saw that the reporters are still there
I hope I do not run into Shaimaa, as she seems to have a talent of seeing right through me I scan the living room and I assume that she is in her room.
I let a sigh of relief and stand there for a minute to catch my breath. I turn around to go upstairs to the guest room, and guess who is standing behind me?
Yep, Shaimaa with her bright smile
“You’re back! Good. I cooked a feast fit for a king Mashallah” She says brightly
“I'm not hungry” I reply coldly, starting project “Make Shaimaa hate me leading to total avoidance”
“Nonsense! We’ll wait for your dad to come and then we’ll all eat together Inshallah” She totally ignores my rudeness.
“I'm going upstairs and I'm gonna go to sleep. Bye” I say the words but my nose is completely not cooperating as it smells the delicious aromas coming from the kitchen
“Come help me set the table” She ignores me, making her way to the dining table
I ignore her and dash upstairs, as she is making it harder for me to set my plan into motion that is just how things are supposed to be from now on.
I am a murderer for god's sake! Not only that, but the police could come knocking on our doorstep any time now!
I was lying on my bed when I hear a knock on the door. I go and open it, and I see Shaimaa standing there furiously tapping her feet
“When someone cooks a meal and slaves away in the kitchen for your highness, the decent thing to do is EAT the food” She rages at me.
“I told you I'm not hungry” I tell her sheepishly and slightly scared at her motherly tone of voice
“You ARE going to eat the food Mr. and You’re going to be polite enough to thank me for all the effort that I have put in. And you’re going to help me set the table, and that’s not a request” She says it sharply looking at me as if to say I dare you to defy me, when I have the famous “slippers”
“FINE! Can I take a minute before I come downstairs MUM” I ask her mockingly.
“One minute” She tells me before leaving me standing there all stunned
I closed the door shocked! Does she not give up at all?? No one talks to me like that And what is with the way I stood there not arguing back??
Is that what love does to you?? I do not want it man! NO ONE_I MEAN_NO ONE has ever dared to challenge me like that.
And she looked so cute threatening me and stuff, Oh maaaan this is gonna be harder than I thought
I mean I dated women who used to lose their temper and stuff, and when I say lose their temper I am talking throwing shoes at me, swearing in a very unladylike manner. But Shaimaa’s way of losing temper is soo cute
Oh what the heck, maybe for like an hour or so I can pretend that everything is alright, and I can allow myself to be happy. If not for me, then for her :heart: Plus, the food smells DELICIOUS!
I check my phone for any messages from them but nothing so far. I put my fear and crime at the back of my head and I go downstairs to pretend that I am in a normal situation, even though my mind is filled with dread and fear.
Have you ever done something awful and then pretend that it was all a bad dream? Well, that is how I am feeling at the moment
NO ONE_I MEAN_NO ONE declines my food they just don’t! I force people to eat if I have cooked that day, even if they do not like me!
You know how everyone is not perfect and all that? Well, this is my weakness. You can hate how I look like and I will not comment or get upset about it, you can even hate my attitude but not my food! Na-ah I will not allow it
SOMEONE’S minute is up I think? Before I had the chance to make my way to him, I see him rushing downstairs
“Was I late for my duties, mum?” He asks with a boyish grin
“Actually yes you are. But since you’re here I’ll let it pass” I reply arrogantly
We go in the kitchen to get the food and the dishes. We put everything on the dining table, and as I go back in the kitchen to get the last dish I see Osman sitting down and taking a plate.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask him looking at him like he has lost his mind
“What did I do this time??” He asks me blinking.
“We have to wait for your dad. He can’t just walk with your face all stuffed up!” I reply with eyes that says PUT THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN DOWN.
“FINE” He answers impatiently
We sit quietly before he says
“Since we’re gonna wait for my dad for god knows how long. Tell me what you cooked” He licks his lips and looks at the food hungrily
“Well, this is grilled chicken Egyptian style, and this is Mesaa3a (a dish made of Aubergine, Bechamel, cheese and mince meat), Rice and salad. I couldn't do anymore because they didn't have that much at the Turkish shop” I tell him cheerfully.
“Man, this is more than enough! Where’s my dad??” He asks with an infectious enthusiasm
As if on cue, my uncle enters looking agitated.
“Are they not gonna leave us alone these reporters??” He asks angrily.
“I'm sorry about that uncle, it’s all my fault!” I say it feeling guilty for their constant presence
“Is this food I smell?” He asks curiously.
“I made lunch for us. Come and join us” I point towards the dining table and Osman’s drooling face
“I’ll wash my hands and be right back” Says my uncle with a big grin on his face.
He returns after a minute, and we all sit down.
“Hey, can I like tear the chicken into halves, the way they do in Egyptian movies?” Asks Osman with a big old grin
“Ermm__” I look at my uncle to see if he approves.
“Go on then” He tells his son holding a giggle.
“WEHEEEY” He cheers while tearing the chicken into halves.
“My turn now. WEHEEEY” Joins my uncle
“Go on Shaimaa. Your turn” Says Osman bringing the chicken to me
“No thank you, that’s OK” I tell him giggling at their behaviour
“CHICKEN!” Yells Osman and we all go into a fit of laughter.
As we were laughing, we hear keys being used to open the front door. We all turn around, and then we see her.
FIFI IS BACK
“GO AWAY YOU FOOLS” She yells at the reporters. She drops her bags and makes her way to us.
“What in the world is going on out there? And what is going on in here?” She asks looking at the food in front of us
“Shaimaa cooked for us” Answers Osman with his mouth and hands full of food (Oh dear)
“And did she forget to bring knives and forks? Did she teach you to eat like savages?” She looks at him in disgust (Oh dear)
“Num buur tish ish hum you shpoosh eib ish” He talks with mouth full of food (Ooooh dear)
“So I leave for a few days, and I come back to a bunch of barbaric fools??” She tells them shooting me evil looks
“This is all your fault! If you think I’ll allow you to turn my family into__” She does not get to finish her sentence because my uncle cuts it short by saying
“OH MY GOD FIFI! We are eating, can’t we discuss this later?” He tells her furiously.
She just looks at him gob smacked! I guess she is not used to her husband putting his foot down (Oh dear)
“We can’t have this sort of food in our house! What about my diet??” She asks with an agitated voice.
“YOU wanna diet. We don’t!” Replies my uncle and high fiving Osman (Oh dear this is not going very well at all is it?)
“YOU_YOU_” She struggles to find the appropriate swear words.
“I'm so sorry. This is all my fault” I tell her apologetically
“Yeah you SHOULD BE__” She stops and stares at me “You’re not that bad looking!” She remarks suddenly.
“Oh_I_Jazakallah” I reply with a heavy blush crawling up my cheek
I see Osman smiling at me for reassurance, and now it is getting awkward because no one says anything for a good one minute
“Fifi. Please sit down and eat with us” Says my uncle looking at her almost pleadingly.
“I'm tired from the journey, I’ll go upstairs and change and then make myself a healthy meal” She looks at me when she says healthy
She leaves us and goes upstairs. We go back to eating our lunch, and chatter away about anything and everything
After we finish lunch, Osman helps me remove the plates to the kitchen. I stay behind to wash them, thinking to myself that I could get used to this
I go back to the living room, and I see the funniest sight. Osman and my uncle napping with their mouths open
I laugh quietly at them and I decide to retreat back to my room, but I see Fifi coming downstairs so I decide to look away or something clever like that
“Perfect. Few more weeks on your food and they’ll come back running back to me begging” She tells me looking at them.
I really wanted to tell her “Bring it on” but I decided that if I wanna win her over I should not really use those phrases with my mother-in-law.
“I’m sure they’ll do” I answer her with a smile.
I head upstairs to avoid more confrontation with her. I sit on my bed and I open my Quran and I start reciting it, waiting for Maghrib feeling content and happy
I woke up from my nap feeling happy and content, I looked to my right and I saw my dad lying there with his mouth open. Mashallah my wife cooked a very good meal
The word wife feels so nice. I never thought about that before! I used to always associate wife with knife somehow!
And talking about knives! I still have not figured out WHAT am I gonna do with the small matter of murdering John
The thought is enough to make me feel like I am about to throw up whatever I ate just now I make my excuses to mum and dad, and I go upstairs to lock myself in my room.
As soon as I go in the room, I notice that the window is open! How strange?!
I was closing the window when I felt a sharp object on my neck, and I see the shiny reflection on the window. That is definitely a knife on my neck
“Did you think you’d get away with killing one of my men rich boy?” Asks Kevin
“I_I_ddddidn’t mean to kill him I swear to you Kevin” I stutter my words as fear grips me.
His face comes so close to me as he says
“Do you know how difficult it is to get rid of a body without being seen? HA? And John was one of my best men and you KILLED HIM” He spouts the words venomously towards me.
“I don’t know what I was thinking I swear. I didn't mean it please” I beg him as I feel the knife dig in deeper.
“There is one thing you can do to make up for your stupidity” He suggests as he loosens the grip on my hands.
“Anything_I swear. You just name it, I’ll do it” I say it in a pleading tone.
“I want £10.000 to cover the loss of making Kat escape and to cover paying the people who helped me get rid of John’s body” He lets go of me and looks at me manically.
“I’ll get it for you by the end of the week I promise” I agree to the offer, anything but death will do right now.
“Not good enough!” He seethes “I want it by tomorrow” He orders me.
“I can’t do that. You have to give me at least three days, so I can talk to my dad to sort the money out” I plead with him.
He takes a moment to think about this, and then comes the reply
“Three days and that’s it. As you can see, nothing will stop me from finding you Ozzy. Next time I won’t hesitate to kill you” He says it meaning every single word.
“I’ll bring you the money. You have my word” I tell him sharply.
He leaves me in a state of shock. I see him get out of the window with such ease that scares me to death! He could have just killed right there and then
Oh my god, What a mess!! What am I gonna do now?? My dad will want answers when I ask for £10.000.
He will not be so generous, I cannot confess to a murder! He will want me to go to the police, and I do not mind. If I confess to the murder, I have to mention Kevin and I do not know how many people I am dealing with.
I do not trust the police to protect my family! They just never do! I do not mind putting myself in danger, but not my family. None of them deserve this
All this becomes too much for me as I fall on my knees, and for the first time in my life I pray__I pray that Allah show me a way out of this, I pray for a miracle to dig me out of this hell.
Yesterday was an amazing day Mashallah. It was the first time that me and my boy sat on a table and actually joked and laughed
I was against him trying to seduce Shaimaa, because I thought he might hurt her and she’s my brother’s daughter. But right now I completely change my mind!
I saw the way he was looking at her yesterday, and it was not a look of someone who would use her and chuck her aside. He actually looked like a guy in love!
My son? In love? How amazing! I really hope that this marriage can actually be real and not just a farce anymore. I would love to finally see my son settled with kids even
I am not gonna even go to the solicitor today to change my will. I was planning to do that after my appointment with the doctor, but I guess he’s got some good qualities in him just like Shaimaa said.
I do not even care what the doctor says anymore, whatever it is I know that my son will take care of everything if something happens to me with Shaimaa by his side. I know this is like all of sudden and all, but how long do I really have??
Right now though I need to make my way to the GP, and I have decided that I am not going to take a train or my car there. I just cannot risk it anymore, taking a cab would be much much safer.
I was waiting for the cab to arrive when I saw my son coming downstairs, looking like he has not slept a wink! I can clearly see the dark circles under his eyes
“Wawe (dad) can I speak to you please?” He asks defeated
“What is it Osman? You look like you haven’t slept all night!” I ask him concern becoming a full blown worry.
“I need you to give me £10.000 within three days please” He says looking away.
“WHAT? You must be joking!! I'm not gonna throw that type of money away just like that!” I say it not believing what he’s saying!!
“Please dad I need it urgently. It’s very important, my whole life depends on it” He asks with eyes full of fear.
“And how many times did I hear you say that Ha? only to discover that you went and got the latest gadget. Enough Osman! Do you even know the financial worries that I'm facing?? No, because you’re selfish like that” I tell him angrily.
“Dad please_ I can’t explain it_I just need it_You have to__” I don’t allow him to finish his muddled up sentence.
“Enough Osman! Billahi 3aleyk (For Allah’s sake) Enough! I have had enough of your carelessness. I have had enough” I say it feeling like a huge rock has been placed on my soul
I was just happy that I saw a glimpse of a nice Osman. He just had to go and spoil it by asking that ridiculous amount of money! I guess some people never change.
I am gonna have to go back to my original plan and leave everything to Shaimaa. At least she will make sure everything runs smoothly, unlike my careless son.
He does not say anything, and I look away because I cannot look at him anymore.
Our silence is finally broken when I hear the honk of the mini cab. I go out to get in the cab, and I see that the annoying reporters are still there!
I get in the cab and we go to our destination. We reach the GP in half an hour time, I give the Cab driver his change and I go in to see my doctor.
I sit in the waiting area worrying like mad about the outcome of the results. It finally dawned on me what situation I am really in
I did not have to wait long until I was called to the office.
“Hi Mr Khalifa. Why don’t you take a seat” He motions to the patient’s seat on the right.
“Dr Saraf. I hope it’s good news?” I ask him hopefully.
“I'm afraid it’s not Mr Khalifa. You have Dementia (MID), it’s one of the most common forms of dementia” He explains the results to me.
“What does that mean?” I ask him in a panicked state.
“It means there’s a reduced blood flow to the brain_usually as the result of a stroke or series of strokes. In many cases, the strokes are so small that you may not notice any symptoms. But over time, the damage adds up, leading to memory loss, confusion, and other signs of dementia.” He tells me sympathetically.
“Is there any cure? I ask knowing the answer already.
“Depending on the person, and the severity of the stroke or strokes, vascular dementia may come on gradually or suddenly. Currently, there is no known cure. lapses in memory are followed by periods of stability, only to give way to further decline.” He tells me the grim situation.
''You need to get your high blood pressure under control, avoid cigarettes, and control your cholesterol levels and diabetes. You must lead a normal life as much as possible, Don’t give up on life! continue to look after your physical and emotional health, do the things you love to do, and spend time with family and friends.” He encourages me even though I know what this disease does to a person, I'm not stupid.
“We’ll put you on medications used to treat the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease, which works for vascular dementia, too. How are you feeling Mr Khalifa?” He asks me.
“Numb. I don’t feel anything, I should be screaming or upset but I feel nothing” I answer his question feeling myself sinking into despair.
“I wanna leave now if you don’t mind” I inform him standing up to leave.
“I understand. Here’s your medication, and we will review this in a months time” He says handing me a prescription.
I take it and I head outside to get some air, as I feel my lungs collapsing on me somehow!
I put my hands on my head and start crying at the GP’s steps, not caring who might see me in this state. The first thought that comes to my mind is my brother__
My brother Mohamed. My big brother, oh how I would love to throw myself at his mercy and ask his forgiveness. I did not even call him when he had the accident, not even a sympathy card. Nothing
I must go to him, I have to see him and throw myself at his feet. Maybe if I was nicer this would not have happened to me, this is Allah’s punishment to me for abandoning him in his time of need. I am gonna make things right. And I am taking my whole family with me whether they like it or not, we all need to cleanse our souls. I am goning to start there and then go to Makkah Inshallah.
I have to make my peace with my brother Inshallah.
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