No Friends

By Mabrouka Al-Tajoury

Bismillah

On a social network, I sometimes write about Islam and there a young Muslim brother who sent me a message which reads as follows:

Question:

''I don't know why. I have lost all my friends' from childhood to all school friends. The reason is very simple. They find me weird and boring. They say there is nothing to talk to me about. And when I try to talk with a friend, I can't extend the topic further. I only can speak to them for maybe 5 to 6 minutes. Then I get out of words. But if you think I am cruel, then you'll be wrong. I have helped all of them. Whenever they needed notes I gave them, but the problem is, they can speak to me only about studies - nothing else. Help me. I don't have anyone. Tell me how to talk with friends.'

Here is my answer to the brother:
Firstly, jaz'zak Allah'hu khayran for your message. May Allah reward you.

This is what I have to say about what you had written:

In this life, there is no such thing as being happy 24/7, see that is a job for heaven. This life is a test and you, I, and ALL mankind throughout our lives will be tested.

Everyone has an obstacle, for some they are orphans; while for others it might be that they are suffering from one form of physical disability or another. There are people who are ''constantly'' abused by their parents; people who have someone close passed away; there are those who fight cancer everyday; there are parents who each day go through pain watching their children die from hunger; fathers who feel weak because they cannot feed them; there are people who have sisters or brothers with bad reputations and it is hard everyday for them to lift their head up in society; there are people who are paralyzed and cannot move a muscle. And my brother in Islam, the list goes on. Astagfur'Allah and Alhamdulilah. May Allah guide every struggling soul – ameen.

Now concerning you:

I ask you, who are you in this world? What legacy will you leave behind? Do you want to be the righteous man who left a noble footprint on earth for generations and generations to follow? Well dear brother, in order to reach the highest step of your goal, you need to crawl and walk through the obstacles of this life to reach your desired aim.

My DEEPEST advice:

Live EVERY SECOND of this life in doing what pleases Allah alone. Do not do things to please people. If it does not please Allah then do not do it - end of story. The more you try to please people the more they will push away. But if you want to earn their respect and ''true'' friendship then just please Allah. How? Speak and act with them in a manner that pleases Allah.

How to gain more ''true'' lasting friends:

Every day as you pray five times a day and as you place your forehead to the ground, ask and 'beg' Allah for true friends. Never ever underestimate the power of a prayer - never. A living proof of its power is what I had experienced. Years ago, just like you I had some difficulty in true friendship. So in the summer before I entered 1st year university, I would constantly pray to Allah in blessing me with noble friends. I was patient and, Alhamdulilah, Allah blessed me abundantly with friends of nearly every student in my year and the students in the other years.

Make Dua:

So go to Allah. Ask Him to bless you with noble friends. Ask Allah to bless you with noble speech of light when talking to others and He will. For anything and anything is possible for Allah for He is able to do all things.

Concerning your concept of ''helping them'':

Firstly, I never thought or said that you are a cruel person. It is good that you are helping them, but if all they are trying to do is ''use'' you then you need to bring dignity to yourself and walk away even if it means losing all those ''so called friends''. Humans are not doormats to be stood on. It seems from what you say and the articles you write you are a masha'Allah knowledgeable person. That is a gift from Allah and if you really want to help your classmates, look for the quiet people who are too shy to mingle around and give them a hand. Those are the people who will be ''truly grateful'' and who will ''cherish'' your friendship.

Make Friends:

You need to find friends that match your interest. If you like to talk about Islam then go to places that people like to speak of such topics. Join a masjid in learning the Qur'an. It would be a great opportunity for you to make friends there because they have many functions. Volunteer for works that pleases your interest. My dear brother, you will find many good people in good places.

School is another place to meet friends; they do not have to be in the same year as you. Look for the one who usually sits alone or the one who is usually ignored. Befriend them for the sake of Allah. When Allah sees you reaching out to people who are alone, then when you are alone, Allah will send people to you. For what comes around goes around. And when in class you feel alone, remind yourself that you are there to be educated in order to be a better person for Allah.

Best Friends:

Let Allah be your best friend. Speak your weakness, strengths, troubles and anything to Him - for not like many humans, He accepts you for who you are. He is the only One who fully understands you. Go to Him and He will be with you always and forever.

May Allah shower you with unlimited righteous friends that you can nobly speak to constantly - ameen. And remember no Muslim is alone because Allah is always with them, by them, near them.

I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below! :)

Posted in: Advice,Alone,Best Friends.,Depression,Dignity,Life,Love for the sake of Allah,Mabrouka al-Tajoury,No Friends,Reality,True Friends