Feb 5, 2012

May Be Allah Wants You To Become An Aisha And Not A Khadija


by Anonymous

To Allâh belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things. [Surah Ash-Shura, 42:49-50]

***

‘Maybe Allah SWT wants you to become an Aisha and not a Khadija!’

***

It is the way how this Dunia rolls and it is the way how Allah SWT has designed this Dunia to be. You may have something that other people have. And you may not have something that other people do not have.

Single people want to get married (and fast) because they think that’s the only part of their religion that’s deficient. Married people want to have children (and fast) because they think the only way they could truly be happy (and successful) is by having children. People with children want them to have the best of everything in this Dunia.

People with the best God-fearing children fear that their children would end up as failures in Dunia. And people with not-so-God-fearing children fear for their kids in the Akhira aspect. Married people want their freedom. Free single people want to be tied down in a commitment.

So the issue here is that we have to accept that regardless of what we want in this dunia and regardless of whether or not we get it, we’re still going to want more. And more. And so much more.

I’ve got proof:

On the authority of Anas bin Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, who narrated that Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If the son of Adam had a valley full of gold, he would love to have two valleys, for nothing fills his mouth except dust. And Allah forgives him who repents.” [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8 Book 76 Number 447]

I mean it’s alright to want all those things because that’s how Allah SWT created us.

It’s perfectly normal.

Beautified for mankind is love of the joys (that come) from women and offspring; and stored-up heaps of gold and silver, and horses branded (with their mark), and cattle and land. That is comfort of the life of the world. Allah! With Him is a more excellent abode.’ [Surah Ale Imraan, 3:14].

But being focused on those things only in this world is not a healthy way to live in this Dunia. Your camera of life should not be zoomed onto this Dunia. A true Muslimah has foresight. She can see farther than that. Her eyes should be on something much better than all the pleasures of this dunia. Allah SWT continues the above verse:

Say: Shall I inform you of something better than that? For those who keep from evil, with their Lord, are Gardens underneath which rivers flow wherein they will abide, and pure companions, and contentment from Allah. Allah is Seer of His bondmen, Those who say: "Our Lord! We have indeed believed, so forgive us our sins and save us from the punishment of the Fire." (They are) those who are patient, those who are true (in Faith, words, and deeds), and obedient with sincere devotion in worship to Allâh. Those who spend [give the Zakât and alms in the Way of Allâh] and those who pray and beg Allâh's Pardon in the last hours of the night. [Surah Ale Imraan, 3:15-17]

Allah SWT promises you a kind of happiness that does not end. A promise of a Garden, your home inshaa’Allah, for which you don’t have to pay any bills. A husband or a companion who’s physically and spiritually devoid of anything negative and unpleasing. And Allah SWT’s Pleasure! Imagine that all that time you gave up things fearing Allah SWT and seeking His pleasure…in Jannah, how relieved you would be! That Allah SWT is pleased with you eternally. But to be able to achieve all that one will have to do the following according to the verse above:

  • Ask for forgiveness for sins and seek refuge from punishment of the Fire 
  • Be patient
  • True to Deen in actions and words
  • Obedient with sincere devotion in worship to Allah SWT
  • Spend Zakah
  • Pray and beg Allah SWT’s Pardon in the last hours of the night (Qiyam al layl)
Dear Muslim Sisters: just because you don’t have children, it doesn’t mean that you are:
  • The only one being tested
  • The only one who does not have a certain type of blessing
  • That there’s something ‘wrong’ with you
What is worse is that people may start pitying you. Some people start making up stories about you. You don’t have time to waste if people do as they say these things. And you certainly don’t have time to waste your life thinking that true successful marriage should be equated to children. As long as Allah SWT did not say that, who are YOU to adopt such a definition? Worth thinking about. Isn’t it?

What this also means is that just because you don’t have a child right now, you won’t have one forever. If it was easy for Allah SWT to create Adam AS without any parents and ‘Eesa ibnu Maryam without any father, then do you think it is impossible for Him to bless you with a child?

What about the story of Zachariya AS who was very old and his wife who was barren? He said: "My Lord! How can I have a son, when my wife is barren, and I have reached the extreme old age." He said: "So (it will be). Your Lord says; It is easy for Me. Certainly I have created you before, when you had been nothing!" [Surah Maryam, 19:8-9]

So what is it then which is preventing Allah SWT from blessing you with a child?

Some reasons could be as follows:

--> You and your husband can’t handle a child. Maybe it’ll divert you from the Deen of Allah SWT! Remember the story in Suratul Kahf in which Khidr killed a boy because he was going to oppress his parents when he grew up?! 

Then they both proceeded, till they met a boy, he (Khidr) killed him. Mûsa (Moses) said: "Have you killed an innocent person who had killed none? Verily, you have committed a thing "Nukr" (a great Munkar - prohibited, evil, dreadful thing)!" (74)"And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief. (80) [Surah Al Kahf]

Think about that! And Allah SWT does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.

Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned...’ [Surah Al Baqarah, verse 286]

 --> You and your husband’s past sins. Now it doesn’t mean that those who have kids are righteous people. Not at all. But when one faces a certain challenging situation, one must look at oneself and see why is that certain type of Rizq is not coming my way? Rizq includes money,kids,spouse…in fact it includes everything that Allah SWT bestows us with. Here’s a solution in the Quraan:

"I said (to them): 'Ask forgiveness from your Lord; Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; 'He will send rain to you in abundance; 'And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.' " [Surah An Nooh, 71:10-12]

Here Prophet Nooh AS proposes one key method to get rain, increase in wealth and children. And that one key method is Istighfaar. If you really want kids, you may want to focus on creating a routine of Istighfaar. Of course, most of you want kids. Would most of you end up asking for forgiveness?

--> Allah SWT wants to choose you for Himself. What I mean by that is, often times our hearts are filled with love for people and things. Once those people and things no longer reside in our heart, then only we have room for Allah SWT. One can never have Allah SWT and love for this Dunia in their hearts because we all know that hearts are like any other vessels. So we end up then pleasing those whom we love, forgetting the One who granted us the object that we loved and the emotion of love itself.

‘…And of mankind are some that set up rivals; unto Allah they love them as with the love due to Allah. And those who believe are strongest in love of Allah…’[Surah al Baqarah, 2:165]

By not granting you kids, Allah SWT does not want you to waste those emotions over kids. Instead He SWT wants you to love Him more than anyone else. He want to empty your heart from all other types of love which shackle you and make you weak and He wants you to love only Him. Him Alone. So much so that your eyes only see the Guidance He SWT has sent, your ears hear what He SWT wants you to hear…He SWT does not want you to get distracted. He wants you to be focused on the greater purpose of your creation…

Makes you love Allah SWT more, right?

I mean imagine the situation of Aisha RA. She did not have any kids. But you know what? She ended up teaching and guiding millions and billions of kids. She was not only a mother because she’s the Mother of Believers…she lived up to it by caring for those who came to learn from her just like a mother.

So what if you don’t ever become a mother? Can’t you channelize that love and guide other people’s kids? Can’t you become a mother to those kids who are orphaned? Can’t you be a form of mercy by educating other kids to become great Muslims?

Think about it! Think about the reward!
You may not become a Khadija, who gave birth to all Prophet’s kids but you then get the chance to become Aisha. Khadija,may Allah SWT be pleased with her, raised excellent kids and we know all the wonderful qualities she had and all the beautiful ways she contributed towards advancement of Islam. But she didn’t get the chance like Aisha RA, i.e. to teach the Salaf, to become a Faqiha. Why? Because Allah SWT gives some people some blessings while others, other blessings.

What’s important to remember is how would YOU utilize the blessings that you have in His Path?

One way to be content with whatever comes your way is by having good expectations of Allah SWT. If Allah SWT made things happen, then know that they are good for you. You may not know but Allah SWT does because He SWT loves you more than you or anyone can love you.

“Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

So be content and leave everything to Him.
Because He SWT knows what we want and He SWT knows when to grant us what we want. Or sometimes whether or not to grant us those things. For He SWT knows best.

***

Some duaas that you can recite daily(all from Quraan) to be blessed with righteous offspring and/or rectify the state of current offspring:
  • Surah Al Baqarah, verse 128
  • Surah Ale Imraan, verse 38
  • Surah Ibrahim, verse 40
  • Surah Furqan, verse 74
And how can you ensure that Allah SWT listens to your duaa? Look at what Zachariya AS and his wife are described as doing:

And (remember) Zakariyya (Zachariah), when he cried to his Lord: "O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors." So We answered his call, and We bestowed upon him Yahya (John), and cured his wife (to bear a child) for him. Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us. [Surah Al Anbiya, 21:89-90]

But always remember:
‘And it is not your wealth, nor your children that bring you nearer to Us (i.e. pleases Allâh), but only he who believes (in the Islâmic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds (will please us); as for such, there will be twofold reward for what they did, and they will reside in the high dwellings (Paradise) in peace and security.’ [Surah Saba,34:37]

Why’s that? Because:

Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds, that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope. [Surah Al Kahf, 18:46]

May Allah SWT make us content with what He has Decreed for us and bless our Ummah with righteous offspring.Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows Best.Please remember me in your duaas.

Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Love,
From a sister who cares.

26 comments:

Subhanallah! Just so wonderfully written sister! <3 :') Loved it!


Jazakallahu Khayran! :)

Assalamu alaikom wa rahma'tullah , the gist of the article s good, but, I found that there is a lot of conjecture, I would hate to think of the feelings of some sisters who cannot have children, who truly strive with their lives & who may also in fact perhaps be ill which may abe a cause for them to not marry at all, it may be that Allah has stored for them rewards that we can never even come close to imaging, living this dunya on a parr with a brother in jihad.  We should be cautious as words cut like a knife to the heart, I love that the intention to be of help is sincere, but, I think that the article lacks the empathy of how many couples feel who are childless, or of sisters who are not married, are ill, are childless.  Perhaps it is that allah loves them so much that He has stored up the absolute best for their hereafter insha Allah, that none of the reasons we can imagine even apply.  These same sisters may yearn to hold an infant of their own womb in their arms, I wouldn't take comfort from this article really in that case.  I think that there are good reminders, but I think perhaps the article should have been confined to reminding, not trying to explain to a depth that may cause hurt.  I mean not to offend.
Jazaki Allahu khair

As-salaamu alaikum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuhu,

May Allah reward you with forgiveness and the highest levels of Jannah, sister, Ameen!  Very beneficial and soothing article loaded with great advice and the right perspective. Alhamdulillah for our Deen. May Allah Ta'ala forgive all of us Muslims and guide us to His way, and keep us ever safe until our final destination, Ameen.

Alhumdulilah Sister, I'm so pleased that you chose to write about this. I'm a converted muslimah. I just did my shahadah Feb. 3, 2012. I've believed in Islam since 1993. Unfortunately I didn't have the means, nor the help to teach me more. I acquired a cp in 2011 and have been able to learn. I also had a new masjid built within my area. It's not close, but close enough. I'm always seeking anwers from Allah(swt) to guide me and to help me know what to do or that I'm doing the right  thing. I've been receiving my answer to pray through all I've met here an din our muslim community. So thank you and may Allah (swt) bless you and your family.
                                                                 Walaikum salam wr wb

Having children and raising them is a religious obligation and in that, it is a test. For the next 15 years and then some you will be accountable for the child's wordly and islamic affairs. Not having children frees up your time to more self study and academic pursuits both in thsi world and in islam. And patience in accepting the decree of Allah means that you should be pleasing Him in the Akhira.  Also marriage in itself is a test. Your spouse will be your enemy in the akhira asking for his/her rights that you denied them. So, yes, it is a blesing and provides wordly comfort and a channel for ibadah but it comes with major responsibilities.

Thats well sweet as I can't have children and always think I must have done something bad but this message sheds a different light thank you

As salaam aliakum ! 
Am born muslim! but after reading this article ! it really opened my eyes , its the good deeds which we carry ouself day to day ! inshallah! will pray for every sister and brother   !
Being a woman which hold a lot of responsibility ! to guide our children the right way.
 

i love your reply.article really iritated me.the poor manner of using that ayat in such wrong way ,is very bad.ayat refers to taking idols to allah swt .and poor use of such words as waste...

what wonderful reminder thank you, this article is something i would read again and again whenever i start feeling dishearten for not having that special blessing!!!

 
Assalaamu Alayikkum wr wb ...Nicely and neatly written without any exaggerations ...we must realize blessing and testing is indeed two sides of the coin LIFE.´*.¸.•.BLESSINGS & TESTINGS ARE TWO SIDES OF THE COIN=> LIFE!´*.¸.•´

If you are being BLESSED 
Then realize,soon you are going to be TESTED!
If you are being TESTED,
Then believe,soon you are going to be BLESSED!

SO thank Allah SWT in whatever condition we are,
Because we know not ;but Allah alone knows! Read this link as well ..Titled Infertility in the Quranhttp://eemaantevazhi.blogspot.com/2010/10/infertility-in-quran.html  

´*.¸.•.BLESSINGS & TESTINGS ARE TWO SIDES OF THE COIN=> LIFE!´*.¸.•´If you are being BLESSED Then realize,soon you are going to be TESTED!If you are being TESTED,Then believe,soon you are going to be BLESSED!SO thank Allah SWT in whatever condition we are,Because we know not ;but Allah alone knows! Read this link as well ..Titled Infertility in the Quranhttp://eemaantevazhi.blogspot.com/2010/10/infertility-in-quran.html 

´*.¸.•.BLESSINGS & TESTINGS ARE TWO SIDES OF THE COIN=> LIFE!´*.¸.•´

If you are being BLESSED 
Then realize,soon you are going to be TESTED!
If you are being TESTED,
Then believe,soon you are going to be BLESSED!

SO thank Allah SWT in whatever condition we are,
Because we know not ;but Allah alone knows! Read this link as well ..Titled Infertility in the Quran


http://eemaantevazhi.blogspot.com/2010/10/infertility-in-quran.html 

Assallam aleikum habibti, sometimes we need a wake up call so jazakallah khayr. May Allah reward you abundantly for this beautiful article. Sometimes when your being tested by Allah you feel like your trying your best and you feel like your in a verge of breaking down but like Allah says in the Quran he would never over burden his slave, with more than they can take. Verily to Allah belong all knowledge and like he pointed out sometimes we may think something is good for us when indeed its bad for us and some times we may think something is bad for us when it's what's best for us. I think you've really captured the essence of these Ayats. Mashallah may Allah 4guve us where we are wrong. I hope we all se the truth as the truth and falsehood as falsehood and may we act upon the truth and abstain from falsehood ameen.

Jazakallah Khairan sister a very good article..........but the essence is that ibadah is the contentment on the decree on whatever Allah choose for us...may be there are some sisters who have children and nearer to Allah (s.w.t)  than those who donot have ; and vice versa is also true; Allah sometimes deprives us and sometimes gives us and He is Al-Hakeem ; the test is to be patient with whatever He decrees for us.

A very comforting article not only for the sisters but brothers as well. May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala allow us to be righteous. The life of this world is a deceiving thing really.

Was a beautiful article - I will admit though I was a bit stumped about the ayah  - I dont think it was the best example because we are encouraged to have kids in Islam - to maintain the Ummah and it is a means of great reward. At the same time though the truth is as you have said it may not be best for us. For some of us kids can bring us closer to Allah swt for others of us it can cause us to neglect our duty to Allah swt. So I dont think wasting emotions is the best way of explaining it. Allah swt will grant us kids or a spouse or a good job when and if He knows is best rather than when we want it. And we will have everything we want in Jannat IA so this is a goal.

I also wanted to say I found this article very comforting too Alhumdulilah.
Jzk for this!
Sara

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Alhamdulillah for the well written article, it was beautiful and had made me realise that may be Allah wanted me to be an Aisha, to strive to get closer to Allah and to increase my knowledge in Islam, using that knowledge to do dawah, as there is not a lot of sisters are not doing dawah at the moment in my area as they have other commitments. For those who are not an well-versed alimah or mufassir there is no need to make your own interpretation of the Ayah. Whether you are the author or the reader.

 Allah works in a beautiful way when He puts one of his servant on trial, and maybe this trial is form of getting closer to Allah and only loving Him only in our hearts, after all why are we here on this dunya. I have heard many stories where there was some classical scholars who were in immense love with Allah that they did not even get married let alone have children. Thats the stage that we must reach, where we renounce dunya and just worship Allah to gain his pleasure.

finally, as other sisters have already said one of the biggest reward is having children and making them Allah-fearing, pious children whose focus is on the deen, as when the children recieve rewards so will the parents insha'Allah! But theres something else which we are neglecting in this ummah, that is adopting. So whether you have children or not ,those who have the ability should adopt as there within it lies great reward especially if you are seeking to get closer to Prophet SAW in jannah, insha'Allah.

"Everything you do halal becomes Ibadah the moment you do it for the sake of Allah and He truly knows whats in your heart...."

Wa'alaykum asalam

Wow, to have named an enemy of the prophet as an example to which you want to aspire to be. SubhanAllah sister. Please check the history books for 2 notable events in with Ayesha participated. If I could be so kind as to guide you with key words; Battle of Jamal,  miscarriage of Bibi Fatima

^ thats the Shia view which is not compatible with the orthodox Islamic view at all and this, rejected.

Thankyou for the article was a good islamic reminder. I would just like to say that although it was a good read i felt like the article didnt show enough empathy towards those who cant bare children. I particularly didnt like reading line 'so what if you can't ever be a mother? you can channel your love to other children people's children' its easier said that done, i felt abit hurt by this since it belittled the pain i am going through as if its easy living with the fact you can't ever bring a child into this world, maybe it was the way it was put, i think it needs to be re worded. However overall i would like to say it was a encouraging and motivational aticle that makes you look at the bigger picture of the akhirah :D

Allah defended Aisha himself in Quran when the people were slandering her. The Prophet SAS could have made a mistake of taking her as a wife or not known what she would do in the future, but Allah would not defend someone who would become, as you put it, an "enemy of the Prophet". Using those words are very dangerous and I highly doubt you are someone with enough knowledge to be able to label someone as an enemy to the Prophet. Fear Allah, and guard what you say about others, especially Muslims and especially those who the Prophet and Allah loved and defended.


May Allah guide us all!

Assalamualaikum,


I believe that both Aisyah RA and Khadijah RA have acquired good qualities. Khadijiah RA supports Rasullulah SAW when everybody hates him, when no one believes him. She was there all along giving him moral support. She was the first to believe in Rasullulah SAW. So please don't doubt about her capability. She may not be the Mother of the Believers, but she was a great woman that even during her marriage with Rasulullah SAW, he didn't even marry with other women. SubhanAllah. I truly admire both Aisyah RA and Khadijah RA. Please stop comparing because they are the greatest of all women, but we are humans, we still have flaws and imperfections.


May Allah guide us all inshAllah

Shias have to stick their nose in to everything with their lies. Aishah was part of ahlulbayt and one of the mothers of the believers as Allah swt referred to the wives in the Quran. Deal with it. Mushrik shias who call upon Ali (ra) for help are not qualified to talk about anyone from the blessed ahlulbayt. You shias chose part of ahlulbayr to exaggerate with in love to the point of unknowingly worshiping them while having extreme hatred for other parts of the ahlulbayt (the wives). May Allah swt show all the scholars of Islam your true beliefs so that they stop making excuses for you. Shiism is not Islam, may you be exposed.

A big lie.a barren woman is not a woman she doesnot deserve to exist.

and you definitely have no right to exist...its better to be barren than to have children pathetic offspring like you !!!

does it says that in the quran?
this is only the kind of thinking and logic that we,humans, have made up ourself. with our very limited knowledge over things. Allah knows everything BETTER cause to Him is the Ultimate Knowledge over everything :)

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