Pre-Nuptial Knots and Marital Bliss: It Really Does Take Two (and more) to Tango

By Maryam

It was a bitter-sweet day for me. I called a long-time friend that I have known since my high school days. After ten years of waiting to marry the one who proposed to her, it turned out by the will of Allaah that their union as one, was not meant to be. And so, with every difficulty, there is ease, as promised to the believers. She hung on with extreme patience and consistent dua until Allaah blessed her with someone else, during the last ten days in Ramadhan 1431AH.

So, why did she wait so long, or rather, why did both parties (my friend and the brother) wait so long? Well, it was really obvious to their families and close friends that they both wanted to get married to each other. The brother and my close friend were spiritually sound, well educated, and financially stable. Both were ever ready to settle down as husband and wife. But there was a huge stumbling block. A close member of the groom-to-be’s family just could not imagine both getting married and becoming a family. There were consultations here and there, to convince this particular family member but all to no avail. Years went by, and nothing happened. Wedding announcements were ringing in the air from family friends including many of our class mates in high school back then, but no one heard of any wedding announcement from my friend. Yet, she and the brother did not budge to give up each other.

Her family got so worried especially when she clocked thirty. Her younger siblings got married and started their own families. Still, nothing happened from her side. Suddenly, all eyes were on deck. People waited and waited. I also waited. People who knew how close we were, continued to bombard me with questions. It was not easy on me as well though we lived thousands of miles away from each other. There is an African proverb which says,” There are many fish in the ocean”. Basically, this means that if option A does not work out for you, there are other options available at your finger tips that you can choose from. This is my own rough English translation of the African wise proverb. In short, this was the advice my friend’s family kept on repeating to her after she hit thirty.

My dear sisters in Islam, the destiny of Allaah will always come to pass, no matter how we pave our ways to live our lives. So, the moment came when I got the bitter-sweet news about her nikkah. The bitter part of the news was that she and the brother had to part ways due to intense, nasty pressure against their plans for marriage. It had got to a point where the relationship between the brother and some members of his family became strained. My friend’s family too often got upset with her for not moving on after it became so obvious that she was not going to be welcomed assuming she got married to the brother. Then, the sweet part of the news really made my day. SubhanaAllaah! How ironic the story turned out to be.

I was ecstatic when she told me that she got married to a brother who hailed from a completely different tribe and spoke a completely different language from hers.

SubhanaAllaah! The first brother was from her own tribe and spoke the same language but as Allaah would have it, they were just not meant to be husband and wife. Also, the first brother is few years older than my friend whereas, her new profound love that Allaah blessed her with during the month of Ramadhan, was ten years younger than she was. The moment she told me this, I suddenly remembered Khadijah Bint Khuwaylid, radhiAllahu anha, our mother and the wife of Rasululaah, salla laahu alayhe was salam. Subhana Allaah!

My friend sounded happy, confident, and reassured that indeed, Allaah knows best. Indeed, Allaah is the best of all planners and the best of all plotters.

After our phone conversation, I was left deep in thoughts of our world beyond. Marriage in Islam is not a joking matter. Marriage between two people should be based on sincere love, respect, patience, and good relationship. Yes, it takes two to tango as the English saying goes. I would add to that by saying it takes two and more to tango. For a Muslim marriage to survive and weather the storms that every marriage experiences (Fact: There is no perfect, “Alice in Wonderland” marriage), both the wife and husband’s families must fear Allaah, show support, give sincere advice, and practice justice when dealing with their children, especially with their daughters’ and sons’ in-laws. Seriously, the current status of Muslim marriages in our ummah. Be it in the West or near East, all the way from Sub-Saharan Africa to the Arabian Desert, Muslim marriages are hitting the rock. And until we all come together as one big family, either by joining two hearts together on the deen, irrespective of their ethnicities, races, languages, or socio economic status, or by saving failing marriages, which are often ruined by marriage breakers, then we will be failing ourselves and failing the future of our children.

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