Mar 4, 2011

Are You Ready To Take The Big Step

By Farheen Naaz

I’m not ready yet!


Read on!

Your life is going smoothly. You’ve just entered your early twenties, are racing to go places and reach new heights. You see a friend of yours getting married and think, ‘I guess she has lost her mind! Does she even realize what she is doing?!’ Suddenly one or both of your parents or someone from the extended family mentions “marriage”, the biiiig day and you go into fretters! “Omg! Marriage?! Nikah?! Me?! So Soon?! I’m not even ready!”

These are the typical reactions from lots of girls worldwide. Those who are not of this type, well, hats off to you! Now let us deal with overcoming this fear of attending your own Nikah! We need to get to know ourselves properly, learn to accept our fears and overcome all the unreasonable fears.

It is indeed difficult, stressful and scary to, all of a sudden, imagine yourself in a new role. But just because something seems a little difficult to imagine, it doesn’t mean you should simply run away from it. Marriage sure is a great responsibility, but with it stems a lot of happiness. That is the beauty of this relation. You being afraid of getting married is quite normal. But look at what Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in the Quran. Allah (swt) describes marriage in the Quran as: “And from his signs are, He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may live in tranquility with them, and instilled love and mercy between your hearts . . . “ (30:21)

The bond of Nikah has been divinely established for the welfare and upkeep of a healthy, progressive and strong community; and has been beautifully described in the Quran and a number of Hadiths,

A many women fear Nikah as they perceive it to be an end to their adventurous and fun loving life. Sisters, you need to realize that marriage is not the end of your adventurous life, in fact, marriage makes your life more adventurous, leads you to new avenues, helps you become a better person. Life itself is a constant stream of challenges, and getting married is one such challenge, not only for you, but also for your would-be-spouse.

Our fears are often unreasonable, which in turn become unrealistic expectations. This is also a major problem with us women who, as Jane Austen rightly quoted – “A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment”. People have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and often end up expecting perfection in all aspects. This, more often than not, ends up creating unnecessary problems. Enter any relationship with an open mind, as Allah has created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime, and you, as a best friend, need to stand by your spouse and help overcome the difficulties. A spouse should be that kind of a friend that you’d want to keep for life. But do remember, your spouse is someone to share happiness with, not someone to demand happiness from. Do you still not want to experience this beautiful relationship?

Do not for once assume that marriage means only to share meals, chores and some small talk together. It is much more than that. It involves building a strong relationship by spending quality time together. Sometimes we think we’re too young to enter into a huge relationship, and so, have everything planned out. Complete your education, get a job and then magically (like in movies) someone perfect for you appears out of nowhere and asks for your hand in marriage! That, my friends, is too good to be true though it looks awesome on the silver screen! Reality is far more disheartening that that! When someone approaches you and he appeals to you in all aspects, then please don’t let age stand in your way. Age is just another number. It does not reeeally reflect your maturity. Being a Muslim, you need to have that faith in Allah that Allah’s plans are the best and most beneficial.

Usually the beauty of this relationship in the eyes of Allah is neglected. A major part of Verse 187 from Surah 2 (Al-Baqarah) describes this relationship as follows:

“. . . they are clothing to you and you are clothing for them . . . “ (2:187)

Another similar translation of it is as follows:

“. . . your wives are garments to you, and you are garments to them . . .” (2:187)

The way in which clothing protects us from external elements such as heat and cold; spouses protect one another from external desires that originate from many different sources. Through marriage, these desires are satisfied in a halal way. Clothing also saves us from the shame of being naked and incomplete; and it beautifies us. Similarly, spouses beautify and complete each other. When a person is not married, s/he is not yet complete and has not reached his/her full potential. Marriage is an essential part of being fully human, just like clothes are an essential part of being civilized.

If you think you aren’t ready for marriage and that you need more time to grow religiously or any other way, then start the process now! Be honest with yourself. Work towards your aim alongside with preparing yourself for a married life. But do keep in mind that this religious growth that you are aiming for can also be achieved along with your partner, and the sweetness of it is incomparable. If you still consider yourself not ready to experience such a beautiful Sunnah, then be honest with yourself and those involved n your life. Make lots of dua. A woman’s primary need is emotional; channelize this need in the right direction and towards halal means.

I'd love to hear your views on this article. Please tell me in the comments section below :)


thanks for the article...but I still find it scary! And I'm in my mid 20's...

***shivers and screams!!!***

Lovely article mashaa'Allah which I personally needed as a reminder. JazakiAllahu khayran Farheen. May Allah SWT reward you abundantly.Ameen.

Keep writing!
Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullah,


I know how it is :D but inshaAllah we'll overcome it! :)

@ Umm Sulaym

jazakaAllah khair for reading :)

Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullah!

Jazakilah alf kair siter for this wonderful article! the key here is really as you mentioned it, that we should make a lot of du'as. Because, the scary part is knowing who is the one! May Allah(SWT) grant us good spouses and also help us be good wives as well!


JazakAllah khair for reading! :D

you're right! lots and lots and lots of duas!

Ameen to your duas!

Jazakillah for your efforts to encourage and inform your unmarried Muslim sisters. I agree with your statement regarding continuing one's Islamic development along with one's spouse, but I think it is important to map out what you want from your life and afterlife **before** marriage. That way, even if you do not practice Islam at the level you would like to before marriage, you have a clear idea what kind of spouse you want, and can choose accordingly. After all, why shouldn't all of us aim to live the hadith in which the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that he who chooses a wife for her religion instead of for her beauty, wealth or social status, will prosper? If a girl marries a not-so-religious guy and then becomes religious some years after marriage, she will have to make a lot more effort to bring her marriage (and children, if she has them) as a whole back on track, than if she started the marriage with a clear head.

I'm not saying that those who become religious after marriage are doomed to fail, or that Muslim girls have to become super-Islamic before they are ready to get married. I just mean that you need to do some self-exploration, recognize your bad habits and **begin** work on them, recognize good habits you want to develop and **begin** to plan how to develop them, before you think of marriage. You have to recognize and define what the starting line is. Then you can continue your Islamic journey with your spouse.

In a nutshell:  "Finding the right man for marriage is the second challenge, the first challenge is to be the right woman that a right man wants to marry."

seems as if this has been written for me :-| :-/ JazakAllah khair sister, just the term 'marriage' makes me jitter! I needed to read this. May Allah SWT make this journey easy....bless everyone with spouses who will be the comfort of their eyes :) Aameen.

Jazakillah khair. I had my nikkah a year ago and there some times where it feels like its too hard. Youre article is really reassuring and a nice reminder of the virtues of marriage and an encouragement to grow up and be positive! Barakallah feeki.

luvly article..Jazakallahu Khairan

good article! wish my sister would read this instead of making my only dad's life a hell....m married 6 years back, with absolute happiness and lots of blessing from both my parents. Indeed marriage is a blessing....compared to running materialistic life!

MashaAlah it is very beautiful and from the start to the end i ifelt as though you were talking about me=) I love it though!...But I am not ready yet lol..I'll make dua that inshallah Allah makes easy for all of us...Thank you for sharing dear=)

Good article; I am not married but I look forward to it and am not scared. I wish less people would ask me when I am getting married though. They find someone younger than me who is married and that means I should be married already. Oh well, Allah knows when I will get married. If I do not married a guy I know, then my only fear is that the marriage won't work out because we are too different. However, I don't think that will happen because I don't have to worry about an arranged marriage too much.

Jzk khair for a nice article. My question is what is the right age for 16-17 too young or islamically ok? My sister recd proposal from a( seemingly) religious boy from good family (Allah alone knows best) but my parents are hesitant as she is only 16.

Lovely article. Masha Allah. Its as if it was written 4 me, I'll try n reduce this fear to a minimal. JZK

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