Apr 23, 2014

Seven ways of getting over grief - Part 2

By Arty



Allah (subhannahu wa ta’ala) tells us in the Qur’an that we were created in toil: “We have certainly created man into hardship” (90:4). This life is not supposed to be easy; it is a life of tests and our reward for passing the tests of this temporary life is eternal bliss in the heavens.  In Part 1, I offered some tips on how to endure grief and the power of making dua.  Let's continue on:


A mother who had just lost her pregnancy said in a support group, “I could not wait to do something I had control over so I started planning the makeover of my home. I had to do something I could control.” This mother was non-Muslim, so her perspective was different; however, doing something to better the situation is one of the best ways to get over grief. Giving charity and helping others, who are in more need than us, helps us turn our grief into a productive and positive moment. Giving charity on behalf of those we just lost also helps us feel as if we have done something for them, and are not completely helpless. Finally, helping others takes the focus away from our own worries and helps us to be grateful.


The nasiha (sincere words of advice) of the righteous is like medicine. The righteous ones will remind you of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and they will make sure they do not add to your agony. They are also those who will sincerely pray and make dua for you. Thus, making sure we have righteous company around us at times of grief helps a great deal in putting us back on the path of recovery.

A great example of this is the example of our mother, Khadija, (radiallahu anha), who immediately comforted our beloved prophet (sallalaahu alayhi wassallam) when he came back from the cave distressed.

"....Then Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) returned with the Inspiration 
and with his heart beating severely. Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, 
"Cover me! Cover me!". She covered him till his fear was over 
and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, 
"I fear that something may happen to me." 
Khadija replied, "Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. 
You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, 
serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones." (2)


It is okay to cry when we feel pain, grief, and sorrow. Shedding tears is actually from the mercy of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).

..and the eyes of Allah's messenger (peace be upon him) started shedding tears. 
'AbdurRahman bin 'Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" 
He said, "O Ibn 'Auf, this is mercy." 
Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, 
and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! 
Indeed we are grieved by your separation.” (3)

Our beloved prophet (sallalaahu alayhi wassallam) shed tears many times throughout his life and they were all tears of mercy. Tears are a way to relieve the pain we are feeling inside and show mercy to others. What is forbidden is to wail, complain, and show displeasure at the decree of Allah (subhannahu wa ta’ala). Prophet Ya'qub (alayhi salaam) cried so much at the loss of his son Yusuf (alayhi salaam) that he became blind. However, he never showed displeasure at the decree of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala); rather, he showed patience, the most beautiful form of patience.

[Yaqub] said, “Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together. Indeed it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise” (12:83).

And he turned away from them and said, “Oh, my sorrow over Yusuf,” and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of that] a suppressor (12:84).

He said, “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not know” (12:86).


Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is with the patient. If Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is with you, who can harm you? If Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is with you, He will see you through any difficulty, and victory will be yours. As our beloved prophet (sallalaahu alayhi wassallam) said:

“Know indeed that victory comes with patience” (4)

Surah Yusuf in the Qur’an also shows us how much patience is vital in getting over grief. Yusuf and his father Yaqub (alayhum salaam) practiced the most beautiful form of patience and, as a result, Allah (subhannahu wa ta’ala) reunited them and made Yusuf (alayhi salaam) one of the wealthy leaders in the land. The main lesson one can take from Surah Yusuf is to NEVER lose hope, never give up on the Mercy of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala):

“...and despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah 
except the disbelieving people” (12:87).

These are just seven of many suggestions and tips on how to get over grief. What are some other suggestions which could help someone cope with grief? Please feel free to share with us so we can all benefit. May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) bless us with beautiful patience so that we can persevere throughout all the trials put in our paths, and be granted the ultimate reward: Jannah.

“And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] 
and silk [garments]” (76:12).


(1) Muslim 2/632
(2) Bukhari 1/3
(3) Bukhari, 2/390
(4) Ahmad 1/392


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