By Alawiya Abdalla
*First day of Eid*
I am soooo sad that Ramadan finished I wanna cry so badly, actually I did cry when I was praying Taraweh last night
I cried because I did not want it to end, I did not want the amazing feeling of utter and total submission to go away. I have this fear that after Ramadan I will not be as much religious! I am not scared that I will go back to how I was before, I am just worried that I will not be as focused
Life before this was so blurry, my life was about getting wasted and being high on cannabis! What a waste I feel like I was in a deep coma, and someone suddenly threw cold water at my face to wake me up. You know the feeling of sudden cold water in your face? That is how I am feeling at the moment. Wide awake and alert, I am never going back to that again Inshallah as long as I shall live.
I have to say, uncle Mohamed really helped me all through the month of Ramadan. If it was not for his guidance and patience, I would not have changed this much
And I really understand what the poor man has to go through, just to get to the Mosque. I was carrying him up and down the stairs with Hossam all through Ramadan, because I did not want him to miss the Taraweh prayer
Even though he kept insisting that he can pray by himself at home, I just could not deny him that feeling of being in a Mosque praying with your brothers in Islam.
But like all good things, Ramadan came to an end.
Today is the first day of Eid, and you can hear the Eid prayer from the Mosque waking you up in such a good mood. Subhanallah, how beautiful is it to hear the Azan from right outside your house
I do not want to leave ever! But I have to. I have to go back and face the reality, I have to surrender myself to the police otherwise Kevin will haunt me forever
But right now, I will enjoy my first Eid in Egypt I have to say the fake bombs that the kids use around here are soo cute.
Well, it is not cute when you are a tourist and you have no clue that they are fake, and you RUN FOR YOUR LIFE the first time someone uses it next to you
That was quite scary but once you get the hang of it, it is fun. Actually I bought some for me and Shaimaa, and she is a TOTAL pro whereas I am a total amateur
You see, you have to blow on this piece of paper and then throw it on the floor and it explodes. Sounds so dangerous I know, but it is quite harmless fun for the kids AND the adults
Anyway, I kept blowing on it and it did not explode!! And does Shaimaa give me a chance to go fetch it and try again? Umm NO! The girl is brutal
But she’s MY brutal wife and I could not be prouder. Maskeena (poor girl) she worked so hard during Ramadan, cooking, cleaning and waking us all for Suhur! She must be exhausted
Everytime I tried to help her, her mum would fuss and fuss until I sat down she does not believe in men helping in the kitchen
Inshallah when the time comes and we get our own place, I will help Shaimaa with everything I can
Watching her mischievously throwing the fake bombs towards me, makes my heart flutter with joy. My feelings for her are far beyond the feelings of desire, or anything physical. I guess this is what they call love, I have never loved anyone but myself before.
Now I understand that it is OK to be vulnerable, dependant and needful to fall in love. And to top all of those feelings, I understand that you can never truly love someone unless you love Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAAW) more than that person. And who will better understand that than my Shaimaa
I really wanna tell her that I love her, but I do not know what is waiting for me back in England
What if I have to spend time in jail? I would not want to make her wait for me! That is just too mean. Why should she have to live with some criminal like me?
But if I somehow miraculously escape this with a suspended sentence, then I will confess my love to her Inshallah.
We will leave for England the day after tomorrow, and I feel a heavy tug on my heart I wish I could stay here and forget about it all.
It is not that I hate England, I love England. It is just I hate not knowing what is waiting for me
Have you ever done something and wished for it to go away, only to be faced with the reality that it IS real, so alive and kicking?
*England on a rainy and wet day*
We are in the car on the way back to our house. It feels like ages ago since I first came here! I could tell that we landed in England from the smell of fresh air
I am going to miss Egypt so much Walahi it was so hard leaving my parents for the second time
I do not even know why am I here? My dad knows, so I could have just stayed right there with them! Just like Fifi stayed!
Well, she wanted to buy loads of things before she catches the next flight tomorrow Inshallah. Everyone changed on this visit, Osman changing the most
But I have to say, Fifi loosened up a bit and even helped my mum in the kitchen showing her how to make Sambusa (Pastry stuffed with spicy mince meat or vegetables)
She relaxed for the first time since I have known her, and I saw her laughing and smiling all through Ramadan
So why am I here?? I have no clue why I came back
I have come to know that Osman is not very tactful with words He is very straightforward kind of guy, he says what he feels with no sugar coated words.
With Osman there would be no poetry, melodic songs playing at the back while he says what he feels. You can instantly tell how he feels from his eyes, and right now all I see is confusion and fear.
I can also see that he cares for me somehow, I have never been in love before or gone out on dates with guys. I cannot tell if the look in his eyes are the look of love, or just admiration for me!
I just had this powerful feeling that I should come back here in England, I cannot explain where this feeling came from but it is there with such full force that it is scaring me!
Maybe it is the way Osman has been acting. On the day we were packing our clothes to come here, he was visibly concerned and shifty
I tried to get him to talk to me, and for the first time since I have known him I failed. I have a feeling that whatever problem he is in, it is bigger than he can carry
I hope he can open up to me about it, I know from experience how hiding things can be so destructive to the soul!
I do not know why at this moment outside my uncle’s house, I remember the dream I had when I did Istikhara the first time Osman proposed
The dream where my grandmother took my hand, and pointed towards Osman’s wounded body saying
“This is your husband Shaimaa”
I feel my heart sink, and then I recite Ayatul Kursi to calm my nerves
I thank Allah from the bottom of my heart for giving me a chance in life to make it up to my brother. I cannot believe that I have wasted years and years being arrogant, I have wasted so many years channelling my need to reach out to my brother into making money to cover the emptiness in my soul.
Subhanallah, I feel like my warring soul has finally subsided. I was always in war with myself over the situation with my brother, but I always used to reason with my behaviour.
But Alhamdulilah, that is all in the past now Not only this blessed trip changed my son completely, it is also made me and my wife closer than ever.
She was much more relaxed and loving in Egypt, I have finally seen that she has a heart after all. She was so sweet and tending to me as a wife, and not the arrogant woman I married.
I guess she felt a little jealousy, seeing Sarah’s love towards my brother. I do not care about her Niyah (intentions) I am beyond happy at the turn of events in my life.
Not only did Fifi change, my son Osman changed beyond recognition as well
The change was more spiritually visible than physically. Yes he grew a beard, and started wearing the Islamic clothing for men but he was more kind than usual.
Simple acts like kissing my hands, made my heart so proud of my flesh and blood Simple acts like bringing me warm water to wash my hands after breaking my fast, made me want to cry.
My arrogant son is completely replaced by this dashing handsome Muslim man, and I could not be prouder
The mini strokes were a constant presence during my stay in Egypt, I felt memories slipping from my mind constantly. But I could care less about that, I have my family back and that was all that mattered.
My accountant called me from England one day, to inform me that there was a sudden increase in the revenue. Apparently, Shaimaa and Osman did an interview with the reporters and people became interested and they started visiting the shop in Central London!
And that is another beautiful thing that is making my life bearable at the moment, the cute unspoken love story story between my son and Shaimaa is endearing to watch
Everyone could see it, but non of us wanted to point it out and put pressure on them.
Ya Allah, I feel like my life has completed. As soon as I touch down in London, I am changing the will back, because now my son has turned into a man and someone you can rely on.
Alhamdulilah for everything you made me gain during my stay in Egypt Ya Allah I truly am the happiest man alive at this moment in time.
We just entered our house, and it looked like a right state
It looked like someone was living here!!! My heart starts pounding really fast as I start to absorb what this means!
There is no other meaning to this! I have to get Shaimaa and my dad out of here as fast as I can.
“Ya Illahi! What happened here?? it looks like we got robbed!” Says my dad panically.
“No uncle, it looks like someone was LIVING here!” Remarked Shaimaa with an equally panicky tone to her voice.
“Guys please I don’t have time to explain, but we need to get out of here FAST” I say it grabbing them both by the hands to get them out
“Aren’t you gonna introduce us Ozzy” Comes Kevin’s voice loud and clear from the top of the stairs
I turn around, and I spot him and Amber. And I also see a shiny thing on his hand, as come closer I realize that he is carrying a gun
“Kevin, please they have nothing to do with this. Let them go, we’ll deal with this between us” I ask him calmly as I think that any sudden movements will rile him up.
“So you thought you could go to Egypt for a month and escape us? And wait to go guys for not hiring security to guard this place. You made our stay very easy and accessible” He says it with a eery smile, looking at Shaimaa and my dad
“Osman, what is going on here??” Asks my dad fear showing in his tired eyes.
“Your precious son here owes me money, he left without repaying it and he knows what the penalty is. Right Ozzy?” He asks pointing the gun to my head.
“Dad I was gonna tell you I swear, I was gonna give myself up to the police. I killed someone dad, and Kevin has been blackmailing me” I tell him the truth, and I look at Shaimaa’s scared eyes.
Oh Ya Allah, please do not let harm fall upon my family I pray secretly.
“Don’t kill him please Kevin. Kill that one, and his dad” Pleads Amber.
“NO! KILL ME! I DESERVE IT! NOT MY DAD OR MY WIFE PLEASE” My voice rises as the reality of things are crystal clear infront of me.
“That can be arranged” Says a deep voice coming from the kitchen!! A third person is here??
He makes his way to the living room, and as he approaches I recognize him immediately.
“JOHN??” I ask my eyes growing wide from the shock of it all
“You thought you killed me innit sissy boy? Well, you were wrong! And now I’m here to get revenge” He spits every word in fury.
Now I have two guns pointed to my head, and I am left with nothing but saying my Shahada
“No don’t! I mean it guys. Do not kill Ozzy! I love him” Says Amber while forming a human shield in front of me.
“MOVE AMBER! He didn’t even care when you lied and told him you’re pregnant! Do you think he cares about you?” Shouts Kevin angrily.
She lied?? She was not pregnant in the first place?? And here I was worrying for no reason!!!
Anything they were gonna do to me stopped, as my dad slumped on the sofa.
“Wawe (Dad)!! What’s wrong?” I ask fear gripping me as I see half of his face fallen and drooping
“He’s having a stroke! Please call an ambulance” Says Shaimaa tears dropping from her eyes.
“He’s lying” Says Kevin pointing the gun to my dad.
“He’s not I swear! Can’t you see him??” I try to reason with him.
He does not get the chance to reply as we hear a loud bang echoing through the whole house!!!
My brain does not register the fact that John just put a bullet in my dad’s head
“NOOOO DAAAAADDDDDDD” I throw myself at his body, clutching him with feelings of despair, shock and devastation engulfing my whole being
“YOU DO NOT SHOOT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION JOHN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??” Rages Kevin.
“NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE” Says John pointing the gun back at me with manic eyes.
Amber takes his hand and tries to wrestle the gun off his hand, but he is stronger and he bends the gun towards her stomach and shoots!
She falls limply on the floor, and this enrages Kevin who fires a bullet towards John.
John clutches his wounded belly, and looks at Kevin not believing that he sot him before he falls to the ground next to Amber.
I just sit there scared to death, and shaking from the sights of the dead bodies all around me
I look over at Shaimaa, and I see her hugging her legs shaking like a leaf. I try and go over to comfort her, but Kevin beats me to it.
“This is all YOUR FAULT!” He rages at Shaimaa “You came here and changed this idiot and now look what you made me do?”
“You’re going to pay for this” He says it aiming the gun at her.
I will not let him harm her! So I throw myself infront of her taking the full blunt of the bullet
All I hear is Shaimaa’s screams, and I start to feel intense pain rippling through my whole body. All I do is stare at the ceiling, as I feel like if I moved something will explode inside me.
Another shot is fired towards Kevin this time, coming from Amber before she slumps on the floor one last time. And they all lay limply on the floor, lifeless bodies and the stench of blood filling the entire room.
Osman felt Shaimaa hands on his head, as she propped him up to her knee. She took off her Niqab and put it on his stomach to stop the bleeding.
And at that moment he wanted to tell her loved her, he wanted to tell her how beautiful she is from the inside and out. But he said his Shahada instead, he said it before giving in to sleep despite Shaimaa’s pleas not to close his eyes
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