By Nur
Bismillah
Let’s make it our goal to change our attitude towards our parents, for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Instead of being a burden on them, let us be a blessing in their lives. Let us honor them, be humble towards them for all that they have given us, and for all the things they have sacrificed for us.
Sometimes our parents may complain that we do not spend enough time with them, that we are so engrossed in our work or school, and that they never get a chance to see us. As this may be true, we need to make sure we are giving them the attention they deserve. Here are a few ways we can utilize to keep in touch and spend more time with our parents.
If they do not live with you:
1. Call them at least once a week, that is if you cannot call them on a daily or bi-daily basis (although this would be the ideal thing to do).
2. Mail them gifts (clothing items, cards, etc).
3. Meet their friends
4. Make sincere dua’ for their health, wellness, and Aakirah (Hereafter).
5. Invite them to stay with you, whether for a visit or permanently if need be.
6. Send them money, if needed, especially in their old age
If they do live with you:
1. Spend quality time with them on a daily basis – massage them, speak to them about your day, ask them about their day etc.
2. Obey each of their orders- we must obey our parents’ every command, as long as they do not order us to commit sin.
3. Offer them help with anything (dishes, groceries, etc.)
4. Do not talk back to them when they admonish you for something you did or said; learn to forgive and forget.
5. Smile at them, and speak humbly and gently with them.
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We live in a time where strangers are treated better than our own blood, our family. We live in a time where we are more than kin, but less than kind. It is a sad reality to see that our families are at the bottom of our priority list. Some of us have become so indulged in volunteerism for this beautiful deen that we come home from hours of hard work just to treat our parents with utmost disrespect, dissolving our good deeds with one word of “Uff” or “Ugh” or the like. Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) has highlighted to us the ones most deserving of our best treatment in Surat Al-‘Isra’, which is translated as:
“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” (Surah 17 Verse 23)
Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) commands us to treat our parents with ihsaan. Ihsaan, with regards to our parents, means to be obedient and dutiful towards them. Allah (subhanahu wa ta ala) also tells us not to say a single word of disrespect towards them. The word referred to as being disrespectful, in this ayah, is “uff.” This word refers to expressing disgust/dislike of something; it is everything dirty/filthy. The second meaning of “uff” is something tiny/small. Do not say such words to your parents that may be seen as insignificant or small to you, which may well be extremely hurtful and disgusting to them.
Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) also tells us not to repel our parents. Here the word repel means to scold or reproach someone. It is to drive a person away and to have a rude, loud expression while speaking to them. It is a level above “uff” which means to use a severe, harsh, loud and scolding voice towards someone.
At the end of the ayah, He (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us to say respectful words to our parents. The word used (i.e. noble) means that one should speak to them with words that are good in their content as well as their manner.
A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (sal Allaahu alayhu wasallam) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, who among people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548)
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548)
The Messenger of Allah (sal Allaahu alayhi wasallam), in this hadith, shows us that our mother deserves three times respect, then our father. Our parents are the ones at the top of our priority list who deserve the most respect, not our boss, nor our best friend, nor our professor. The people who deserve our utmost kind treatment are those who raised us when we were weak, took care of us when we were sick, dealt with us when we were a handful, encouraged us when we felt defeated, and loved us when we needed a tight hug.
Yes, at times they can be hard to deal with. They can say certain things that may boil us up, and stir us around, but that is why Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) uses the word ‘Ihsan,’ which is the state of being better than best. It is the state of treating someone so good despite how unfair that individual is or how rude his or her behavior is towards us. One thing you should know and keep in mind is that at the end of the day, you can never repay your parents for the things they did for you.
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” (Surah 31 Verse14).
Let’s make it our goal to change our attitude towards our parents, for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Instead of being a burden on them, let us be a blessing in their lives. Let us honor them, be humble towards them for all that they have given us, and for all the things they have sacrificed for us.
Aishah (radhiAllah anha) reported: the Messenger of Allah (sa Allaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “The bond of relationship is suspending from the Throne: He who keeps good relations with me, Allah will keep connection with him, but whosoever severs relations with me, Allah will sever connection with him.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Sometimes our parents may complain that we do not spend enough time with them, that we are so engrossed in our work or school, and that they never get a chance to see us. As this may be true, we need to make sure we are giving them the attention they deserve. Here are a few ways we can utilize to keep in touch and spend more time with our parents.
If they do not live with you:
1. Call them at least once a week, that is if you cannot call them on a daily or bi-daily basis (although this would be the ideal thing to do).
2. Mail them gifts (clothing items, cards, etc).
3. Meet their friends
4. Make sincere dua’ for their health, wellness, and Aakirah (Hereafter).
5. Invite them to stay with you, whether for a visit or permanently if need be.
6. Send them money, if needed, especially in their old age
If they do live with you:
1. Spend quality time with them on a daily basis – massage them, speak to them about your day, ask them about their day etc.
2. Obey each of their orders- we must obey our parents’ every command, as long as they do not order us to commit sin.
3. Offer them help with anything (dishes, groceries, etc.)
4. Do not talk back to them when they admonish you for something you did or said; learn to forgive and forget.
5. Smile at them, and speak humbly and gently with them.
Abu Hurairah (radhiAllah anhu) reported: The Prophet (sal Allaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them).” [Muslim]
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