May 19, 2013


By Alawiya Abdalla

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This is not happening to me, it is just not 
I REFUSE to let her get to me again, I just simply refuse So I am just gonna stay here and annoy her some more

“What are you looking at on the internet, you seem very engrossed in it” I ask her, hoping to find SOMETHING that would make her agitated.
“None of your business” She replies, shielding her laptop with her arm


Oh this girl is DEFINITELY hiding something, and as she is my sister’s best friend I have to find out what is she up to.
“Right then, I'm gonna leave. Wouldn't want to intrude you see” I stand up and make my way to the door, waiting till she is engrossed in her laptop again so I can sneak behind her to see what is she reading. She looks up to see if I am really gone, and as she sees me going towards the door she goes back to her laptop.
I turn around and walk behind the chair she’s sitting on______
She did not realize that I was standing behind her, reading an email she got from someone called Hamadi

“WELL WELL, WHAT’S THIS I'M READING?” I startle her with my loud voice
“AUTHUBILLAH” She jumps from her seat, her laptop almost flying from her hand but luckily she catches it like a true ninja
I giggle at the sight of a visibly shaken Jawahir, but feeling slightly guilty when I see her shocked face as she turns around to glare at me
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING???” She asks in an enraged voice, shielding her laptop from me as she recovers from the shock.
“I should ask you the same” I try to dodge answering the question cuz let us face it, it is UNACCEPTABLE this snooping business behaviour
“This is UNACCEPTABLE behaviour! Who do you think you are? You have no right to read what I'm reading without my permission” She rages on before adding “UNACCEPTABLE” As she closes her laptop in frustration
“You are Asha's friend, and as Asha's brother. I have the right to find out what you’re up to. And from the look of things, I'm glad I did catch you talking to some guy you don’t even know, online. Do you know how dangerous that is? Ha? Do you?” I fire questions at her, so she will not have time to reply
“SUBHANALLAH, this is non of your business! What I do or who I talk to, is NONE. OF. YOUR. BUSINESS get it?” She replies, gathering her laptop and things and preparing to make a dash for the door.

“I wonder what your mum will say about this?” I ask, sitting down on a chair while looking at my nails in fascination
YUCK, what is wrong with my nails
“You wouldn't!” She says it in a shocked whisper
“Oh I would. I would GLADLY pass that concern to your mother. I wouldn't wanna be the guy who knew that Jawahir is involved with a psycho killer and I didn't do nothing about it. Nah man, I will so call your mum and let her know about this” I relish the fact that I unnerved her, WHILE checking my nails to annoy her some more
Dude seriously, these nails are like a walking disaster

“He is NOT a psycho you__you__He’s so nice, and we might get engaged soon Inshallah” She answers proudly, with a slight hesitation in her voice
“Might? Hmm. Sounds like he is not in a rush here my friend” I say it mockingly, even though I am beginning to feel a little bit responsible towards the situation.
She just sounds like a typical naive, happy go lucky girl. The type who would believe anything someone tells her. So I feel a duty towards my sister’s friend, I feel responsibility towards Jawahir the same way I feel protective towards Asha.

“It’s none of your business anyway. Just because YOU got divorced after two month___” She stops what she was about to say, and covers her mouth in shock

I should have been angry, I should have snapped at her but I did not.
No one has even mentioned the divorce in front of me, not even Ahmed. He told me off about it once, but the subject was buried after that. It was like they would laugh and joke with each other, and as soon as I walk in a room they would stop laughing
Like I would feel mad and angry about their happiness
Of course I would not. My family mean well when they stop laughing, my mum and Khadija would start fussing about what I need to eat

Asha would say something like
“I would offer my fussing, but I'm saving that for my future husband Inshallah. You guys annoy me too much, sorry bro” With a big smile on her face
At least Asha tries to keep some normality with our relationship, but that big smile on her face whenever she criticizes me means she’s holding back. She used to SHOUT at me for being obnoxious, but that is gone now.
ASHA is civil with me
Everything is changed, and they make me feel like such a loser

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened! I'm usually a very pleasant person, but you seem to bring out the worst in me! I'm so very sorry, I didn't mean to say that! I must be suffering from verbal diarrhoea, that must be it. I____” She stops her talking marathon as she sees my face
I do not know why or what happened, but I felt a bubble of hysteria forming in my belly and it made it is way to the corners of my lips until____

“I got divorced after two months!!” I continue my momentary loss of my sanity
Even though it looks like I have lost it, I do not feel like a crazy person laughing hysterically at all
I feel so alive and relived
It feels so good to be able to laugh at my situation, rather than feel pain in my heart every time my divorce is mentioned.
I am LAUGHING for the first time since I got divorced

“Subhanallah, I'm so sorry! I made you lose your mind!” She looks so concerned while saying it, that I finally realize what I must look like laughing at myself
I clear my throat, and rub some tears that escaped from my eyes as a result of my laughter and say
“Thank you Jawahir, You’re the first person who said I got divorced out loud. Thank you, and I mean it” Somehow she does not seem convinced, as she still examines me with a look that says are you sure I do not need to call your shrink
“Don’t look so scared, I'm fine I promise. But don’t think I'm gonna let this whole Hamadi business go, I’ll give you time to come and tell me what is going on there or I’ll tell your mum” I inform her, relishing the fact that I have something to irritate her with

She says nothing, just a shocked face
I do not blame her though. If I saw someone laughing one minute at the state of his life, and the next minute threatening me to reveal my secrets to my mother I would be open mouthed with shock too
But this is for her own good, whether she likes it or not
I leave the staff room feeling very happy indeed
I have finally gotten my revenge on little miss I know how to retort with my very clever comebacks
I still feel a bit concerned about her, regarding that chatting business though
I am not gonna let her get away with it, she is just too naive to realize how creepy guys can get. And somehow, this whole incident takes me back to my ex wife.

The secret messages, the ultimate betrayal__
I have to stop Jawahir from going through the internet route. She must realize how damaging this internet world really is.
I have to stop her


What just happened now
I got found out AND I am being threatened by Ibrahim!! How did that happen in the space of half an hour? Here I am sitting and minding my own business, when out of no where this mean and horrid person starts snooping in my personal life____

What is worse though is my reaction to the whole situation. Not only did he startle me when he read my email from Hamadi, but I was horrible towards him as well
His behaviour does not excuse my outburst though
It is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable to bring up his divorce like that  What was I thinking??? And his reaction? Like WOW
What was that all about

I do not know why I got so defensive in the first place? Why did I not just act cool like I always do
Deep down I am completely torn, that is why. I have never spoken to a man like this before. I speak to colleagues and co workers all the time, but joking and laughing? No, never
And this whole situation is confusing me
What are his intentions? Is he just stringing me along? Does he even like me? I am not being my true self these days, I feel like I am making excuses for my shortcomings
If I catch my sister talking to some guy on the net, how would I react? Subhanallah I do not even wanna think about it
But I am not compromising myself, and he has not been anything but polite? right?
I am very confused Wallahi
If only he could make his intentions towards me clear, then I can put my doubts to rest
Right now, I have to put my confusion aside and make my way to the parents’ room where Saeed’s mum is waiting for me. I have asked to have a meeting with her to discuss things she could do with him, to help him with his speech, Inshallah. It has taken doctors so long to diagnose Saeed’s Autism, that he is missed out in a lot of sessions that was vital in his earlier years. Saeed is in reception and he still does not say a word, so I am determined to help him as much as I can, Inshallah

My whole aura is ruined because of Ibrahim
I make sure I have the pictures, that I prepared for his mum to take it home. They are pictures of different fruits and vegetables, to help Saeed know that he can make different choices just like he can make different decisions in life. Obviously the pictures will get more complicated, as Saeed grasps the whole concept of change. Saeed has a high functioning Autism, meaning that he is severely delayed in his speech and it will take a lot of hard work and patience for him to lead a normal life.

As I make my way to the parents room, I see a girl not older than myself waiting for me. That’s not the mother She looks waaay young to be Saeed’s mum!

And she also looks a bit_________

“Hi, I’m Jawahir. Saeed’s Learning support teacher” I extend my hands to greet this very womanly person
“I know who you are. I am Mona, Saeed’s sister” She casually greets me, with a perfectly manicured nails
“I thought Saeed’s mum would be here?” I ask her about the mum.
“Oh well, she doesn't care enough to be here. And don’t even bother asking about the dad either. Lost case you see” She replies with a smile, but with a hint of challenge. She is daring me to object about her being here with her perfectly drawn eyes. I mean, how can she use eye liner that neatly on her eyes? I could never do that
I do not put any make up on my face, but I would like to know how girls do that you know!
Whenever I try to apply it, one eye looks FANTASTICALLY good and the other eye looks like my younger sister drew on it
It just never comes out right with me

“Right? But I must speak with the mum or the dad I'm afraid” I stress the importance of speaking with Saeed’s guardian.
“You haven’t done your homework I see. I am officially Saeed’s carer. I'm the one who deals with tears, fears and tantrums. I'm the one who does everything I can in my power to get him to talk, is that enough for you or should I continue” She answers me with such conviction, that I find no words to reply to that
“No it’s not necessary” I reply sheepishly
I show her the different kind of activities she can practice with him at home, and I give her the perfectly LAMINATED pictures that I prepared for Saeed to take home
I might not know how to apply eye-liner, but this chick can laminate that is for sure
I see Ibrahim passing through the corridor, and Mona spots him as well.

They lock eyes

Ibrahim nods politely towards her and she nods back, and I am left wondering how they know each other
As if she read my mind, she says
“He’s my first cousin, he doesn't like my family very much” She says it so casually as if she told me that the sky IS blue you know
So Saeed is Ibrahim’s cousin? And he does not even make an effort to know him? 
How horrible
The meeting ends, and I go back to my job with millions of questions in my mind
The whole day drags slowly, and by the time I leave the school my whole feet is aching
I send a text to Asha, to let her know that I will not be passing by her house today. I just do not wanna run into Ibrahim again

Asha replies back instantly
“You better come, I got Zumba and I wanna try it. It is only me and Khadija in the house, Ibrahim has a meeting after school. Ahmed is at work, my mum is visiting her sister and Mohamed is doing some errands for his house. Please please come, it’s just us girls with Zumba. What could possibly happen?”

She IS right you know, plus she is been talking about Zumba for ages now and I'm kinda intrigued to see what the fuss is about. Oh, she is right. What could happen?
Nothing. Except lose a couple of stubborn pounds

Zumba it is then
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