by Amal Mila Filza
Part 1 | Part 3
A weak-kneed coward.
I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below!
Part 1 | Part 3
Bismillah
“And He found you lost, and guided you.” [Quran 93:7]
A weak-kneed coward.
That’s how I would describe myself those very first moments when I stepped into this fairy tale-like land. I could not stop trembling and not because of the cold weather, but because the thought of being all alone in this big city terrified me. It frightened me so much that I had to gasp for air the whole taxi ride to my new home. I did not know what came over me all of a sudden, but the courageous me was long gone and all what was left was a scaredy-cat. I kept telling myself that I was overreacting and that I should not over-dramatize the situation but the panic that struck me would just not fade away. I knew that there was no turning back, there was no way out. So I just had to buckle up for the ride.
The first week was the hardest. I felt lost and afraid and I could not get used to the fact that I was all alone. Most of the people here could not speak a word of English and I did not know how to cope with this loneliness. I came here for a reason, but that motive slowly weakened as my emotions grew stronger. I felt as if somebody threw me in the deepest ocean and I had forgotten how to swim. The only thing that kept me going were my five daily meetings with the Lord of the worlds. The beautiful voice that called mankind to prayer was magical and the remembrance of the Creator kept me from drowning in this bottomless sea.
As the days passed by, I made it a daily routine to go for these long walks. I began to cherish my walks because it became a way for me to empty my mind and discover the neighborhood. The surroundings were amazing but I did not think that was a good enough reason for me to stay. I started to think that I should end my journey and return home empty handed. Yet there was something holding me back. I still had the feeling that Allah subhanahu wa ta’aala had something better planned for me and that I just needed to have a little more patience before giving up. It was as if I was wandering around in a dark abandoned tunnel and the candle that I was holding was slowly burning up. But just before the candle extinguished itself, I could figure out which path would lead me to the end of the tunnel.
As I was considering this theory, I heard something that made me lose my breath instantly. I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not realize where I was. As I looked up and saw what was standing in front of me, my heart just stopped beating for a second. First, I did not know how to describe what I felt but the more I looked at it, the more I had the feeling that all the fallen pieces fell together in place. This unknown feeling frightened me for a moment, but the brightness created a remarkable light and words cannot explain how that caused the darkness to fade away. The fog diminished, the blackness disappeared, and it seemed like the impossible puzzle was finally put together.
I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below!
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