Dear God

By Pervisha Khan

Bismillah

I think in our childhood habits and early days people impact you big time and mold you and make you who you are. I was born a compassionate kid, then naturally people around me molded me into a compassionate lover.

The first lesson learnt was, learn to compromise with —–! With many things including relations!

Do not be just nice with friends at school. Be a super cute doll. Just give what they ask. Your colors pencils are made of wood not ego.

Be brave. The teacher will not bite you.

Be strong. The boys will not hit you at break time then. And the list just kept growing louder and louder and on and on.

I do not mind anything of it. But, the one lesson I regret learning the most is the product of my affections for my younger cousin brother, Basit.

Whenever we got anything together, whether a toy or a piece of bread, he would compare it with mine, measure the size, look for the bigger portion and if he saw that the greater thing was in my hands or plate he would follow it with one minute of tantrum and tears. And I would be forced to give up my share. The lesson to always have lesser for myself began to grow in my head and manners.

It became a habit of mine to show courtesy even on bigger things at life.

I am to a certain extent stubborn but my stubbornness does not mess anyone’s existence. It revolves around mine. But the habit mentioned above is so intense in me that even in small things I deal with everyday, I somehow end up practicing it.

You do not eat anything first, you wait for your turn so that people or friends do not think you got the bigger portion.

You pray for yourself in the last so that Allah does not think you are being selfish.

All this good and rewards from Allah’s side. But do people digest it properly?


Dear God!

I am saying this again.

Living in this world is so hard when one is so sincere with your other created humans.

Friends, family and loved ones! One by one they begin to change and turn you black and blue.

Should they not be thankful for sincerity and return some comfort and be humane for your and only your sake Alone Allah?

We may try to be strong and put on a big “I don’t care” face but you know Allah – we are humans after all. I for once begin to loose hope in this world of yours and I begin to wish to sleep for long long time until I am met with you.

I am tired Allah.

I really am.

Please do not let anyone betray me in anyway.

Make me compromise at times but do not let them bend me and break apart!

Having less is no sadness Allah, it should be just blessed and blessed more. All other things are then automatically compensated if we have sincere people around.

And if people begin to betray, dodge and change, it is a trouble on this heart Allah.

And then I begin to wonder. Meeting with you is surely thousand times better than staying here. I should be with You.

I Love you Allah, please love me too. Love me enough where others forget to love me so.



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