Feb 22, 2013

Anger And It's Triggers

By Um-e-Usman


Its middle of the day, you are trying to get the cooking done; your little one is clinging to your leg crying and to top it all off your other kid just spilled juice on the floor. All of these things together and we all are in a perfect time for “Angry mom” mode. In this mode ranting is usually done in the native language if the mom is bilingual. Kids have learned the hard way NEVER to interrupt! And after an hour or so it is all calm and quiet in the house-at least for a while.

I admit it I get angry at my kids! Most of us do too. Anger is a human emotion and everybody has their ways to vent it out. Some do it in better manners than the others. Some get angry more frequently than others. In the end, everybody gets angry.

Parents and especially those with young kids have the most difficult task on their hand. As kids are learning, they are not only exploring the world around them, but also testing their limits - how far they can stretch it! Parents not only have to teach their kids how to respond to frustration but also how to channel it. But every once in a while we lose it!

According to a research, the following are three main reasons why parents get angry:

A Cluttered House:
I can see the heads nod! Every woman wants to see her house picture perfect - clean and nice smelling. An unorganized living space acts as a catalyst in making a person frustrated which if not checked results in anger.

To conquer the mess teach yourself and the kids to clean up afterwards. Usually, there is one spot that everybody wants to be organized and clean. Be it the kitchen sink, counter, living room or bedroom. Here are some tips to keep a space organized:
· Assign a Play Area: Teach kids to play in a specific area, be it in their room or a corner in your living room. In living room try to limit the amount of toys, which can be stored in one basket, ottoman or a similar storage.
· Clean-up is Everybody’s Job: Of course mommy is the expert. But kids, spouse and other people also have to help too! Make cleaning up part of the play time. Do not do it yourself! Your kids have to learn to do it and when they do it the wrong way - keep the things where they do not belong. Show them where this book goes and where that toy goes. They do pick up quickly! All you are left in the end is staking everything properly.

Unresolved Issues with Spouse:
How many times kids have to brunt the frustration because of the argument we had with our husbands! It seems a very clich√© thing but still we overlook it all the time “talk/cry the issue out WITH your spouse”. We get angry at kids; sometimes both the parents drag them in their argument which is very damaging for their personalities. During all of this we forget why did we fought in the first place? Unresolved issues can significantly affect a relationship. Try to resolve the issue with your spouse in the privacy of the bedroom away from the kids.

However, anger is a human emotion and sometimes parents do argue in front of the kids. When kids are old enough to understand and they ask you about “why are you angry with mommy /daddy?” Never say sorry for being angry. By saying sorry for your anger gives the impression that children or adults are not supposed to get angry at all. This is not possible because it is a part of human nature. Instead, teach them how to deal with it and channel it towards improvement.

Issues at Work:
Is supervisor giving you a hard time, facing uncertainty at work? There are numerous issues all of us face at our workplaces. Back at home, spouse and kids have to tip toe around you because you had a bad day at work. Not a good idea. Try to leave work related issues outside the door. Make du’a to Allah that He gives you strength to deal with these issues.

Getting angry at home due to work related issues is not fair to you and to all the people at home. Leave those issues at work and enjoy your time with people who love you the most!

Spend Time with Kids:
When children feel neglected they will do all sorts of things to gain the attention. Often, it is the negative behaviour that catches the attention much quicker than the positive one. On those bad behaviours kids get scolded and then they act out more brashly in frustration, and the vicious cycle continues.

By spending quality time with your kids not only improves your relationship with them it also improve their self-confidence. Every child is different and has different physical and emotional needs. Parents have to be creative and understanding towards their children varying personalities and likings.

In the end, anger issues effects all of us in some capacity or the other. We all have to be aware of our weaknesses and strong enough to acknowledge and improve them! By making small tweaks in our daily lives can significantly improve the quality of lives and we can be a more productive and positive members of the society.

I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below! :)


Asalamu alykum wAwb,

Jazaki Allah Khair for this post! Indeed anger is an issue alot of us have to deal with, some more than others. May Allah (swt) allow us to be able to channel our anger in ways that are good for us. Ameen.

Mashaallah..Good article... I got this at the Right time......Thank You..... May Allah help us all to deal in the right way when we r angry..

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