by Alawiya Abdalla
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Bismillah
Hamid
Looks like Mohamed won't say anything for a while, so might as well go and make myself a sandwich.
I am surprisingly OK with this! Why am I OK with this??
I've been carrying this secret with me for as long as I remember, and it ate me up for years now. I have finally set it free, and I do not feel suffocated anymore.
The minutes tick away slowly as Mohamed stands there dumbfounded.
Okaay, I think someone needs to say something right about...now.
Anything.
I can actually hear birds and traffic in my head as I await Mohamed's response to my declaration.
I can also hear the sound of celebrations coming from Asha's house.
Asha!
I have never thought about how this could affect her, not once! I was so consumed with my panic attack, that I COMPLETELY forgot about how Asha must be feeling right now!
I was supposed to be over at their house an hour ago, and instead of at least showing up__I am in my flat.
She will never forgive me for this. No lady will ever forgive a man who stands her up.
"Mohamed, I know you are still in shock from the revelation but I really need to show up for Asha." I stand up to make a move.
"But__" Mohamed struggles to find his words, but I know what he is thinking.
"I just want to show up that's all. I haven't thought about how it would make Asha look bad by me not showing up." I try to put his mind at ease about the situation.
"I suppose," he murmurs, avoiding my gaze.
Let the slaughter begin.
The looks.
The "I can't even look at you".
The "Do not even think about coming near me, let alone speak to me".
Let it all begin, I am ready.
But I have to fix the mess I got Asha in first, and then I will be out of her life for good In Shaa Allah.
If her brother's reaction is any indication of how Asha will react, then I know for sure that getting out of her life is the best option.
I'll just have to.
Plus, I am praying to Allah that Asha will still accept me regardless.
As soon as this is over, I will go back to praying at night like I used to.
I will go back to my midnight prayers In Shaa Allah. I just can't stop trying. I have finally found someone who is crazy and funny enough to be my wife, and I won't stop trying until she says yes.
I have to try.
In Shaa Allah.
Asha
I was so engrossed in my prayer, that no sound or noise coming from the living managed to distract me from my prayer.
"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power.
You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge that marrying Hamid (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings in it, for me.
O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here (in this world) and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain (destine) that for me and then make me satisfied with it."
I must have repeated this Duaa six or seven times, before I was finally calm and my soul satisfied.
Tears of relief threaten to flood my face, and I try my hardest to hold them back but they come anyway.
All of a sudden I hear the sound of ululations coming from the living room, and I wipe my tears with my hands.
Is he here? I open my door to catch a glimpse of what is happening, and I see him.
He looks so nervous, surrounded by my entire family. I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember that he is an HOUR late.
Do you know what? I'm just going to stay in my room and HE has to wait an hour now.
Yes, I am childish like that, thank you very much.
Subhan Allah though, I feel happy that he turned up. Not because I was afraid of how I might look in front of my family and friends, but I am actually__happy
I cannot explain it except, do you know that feeling you get when the weather finishes snowing and then calmness bestows?
The "I can hardly hear anything except the sound of my breathing".
That calmness is what I'm feeling right now. Every sound is drowned out. I can only feel calm.
I mean I am still mad, but I am also happy! I cannot explain it!
A knock on the door brings me back to reality.
"Asha come out, Hamid is here," comes the voice of Khadija, as she enters my room before I allow her to.
Honestly, Khadija is becoming a typical married lady. I think I'm going to cry!
"Yes, do come in please. Oh wait, you're already in," I reply sarcastically.
"What are you wearing, and have you been crying?" She asks while she takes my chin to examine my eyes.
Typical married lady behavior!
"I am fine," I reply taking her hand off my chin, gently may I add. "I just wanted to pray, that's all"
"Well, let's fix your make up then,"she says, getting up to look for my make up bag.
"Khadija, I want to look like this," I say quietly.
"You want to go out there, in front of the guests. Without make up?" Khadija asks gobsmacked.
"Yes?" I answer timidly.
"WHY?" She asks in a loud voice.
"Shush please, I don't want mum to come in," I warn her.
"ASHA WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET, AND HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING??" Mum asks as she bursts in my room.
Yeah, I should have DEFINITELY locked my room. Most definitely.
"She was praying," answers Khadija.
"Okay, now let's fix her face. Hamid is here," mum pretty much orders Khadija.
"Mum, I want to go looking naturally please. I want him to see me natural, possibly wearing this Abaya too." I say it with a chocked voice.
"No way!! You must look your best!! Khadija tell this person, she needs to look her best," mum pretty much challenges Khadija, whether she is willing to take her side or my side.
"The ceilings in your house MAA SHAA ALLAH! What Mohamed? Hold on, I can't hear you," Khadija talks to her invisible husband, and she walks out of the room.
Coward.
"Mum please, I was having major doubts so please let me do what I feel best for me," I say it almost pleadingly, because I know my mum means well. "Please".
"Oh okay then, do what you want. Let's just go out and meet the guests again," my mum gives up as she realizes I won't let this whole make up thing go.
So I go out to meet Hamid with my Hijab on, and his face lights up.
Everyone celebrates around us, and we eat. We also learn that Jawahir has to be admitted overnight, because they need to run some tests to determine what is going on.
Then everyone leaves, except my family of course.
"Asha, can I talk to you privately?" Asks Hamid, looking at Ahmed for reassurance.
"Children, let's go to the dinning room," my mum orders Mohamed, Ahmed and Khadija out of the room.
Ahmed follows reluctantly, and Mohamed gives Hamid a weird look! Like he knows what Hamid is about to tell me!
"Asha, I never intended for this to come out now. It is completely unacceptable that I've let it go this far before I told you everything about me." Hamid starts this very uncomfortable conversation!!
What is he about to tell me???
He has a wife back home?
He is in love with someone else?
What is it?
When he tells me, words fail me.
Is he absolutely SURE he hasn't got a wife back home instead?
I am gobsmacked, and speechless.
I am heartbroken.
Hamid
Looks like Mohamed won't say anything for a while, so might as well go and make myself a sandwich.
I am surprisingly OK with this! Why am I OK with this??
I've been carrying this secret with me for as long as I remember, and it ate me up for years now. I have finally set it free, and I do not feel suffocated anymore.
The minutes tick away slowly as Mohamed stands there dumbfounded.
Okaay, I think someone needs to say something right about...now.
Anything.
I can actually hear birds and traffic in my head as I await Mohamed's response to my declaration.
I can also hear the sound of celebrations coming from Asha's house.
Asha!
I have never thought about how this could affect her, not once! I was so consumed with my panic attack, that I COMPLETELY forgot about how Asha must be feeling right now!
I was supposed to be over at their house an hour ago, and instead of at least showing up__I am in my flat.
She will never forgive me for this. No lady will ever forgive a man who stands her up.
"Mohamed, I know you are still in shock from the revelation but I really need to show up for Asha." I stand up to make a move.
"But__" Mohamed struggles to find his words, but I know what he is thinking.
"I just want to show up that's all. I haven't thought about how it would make Asha look bad by me not showing up." I try to put his mind at ease about the situation.
"I suppose," he murmurs, avoiding my gaze.
Let the slaughter begin.
The looks.
The "I can't even look at you".
The "Do not even think about coming near me, let alone speak to me".
Let it all begin, I am ready.
But I have to fix the mess I got Asha in first, and then I will be out of her life for good In Shaa Allah.
If her brother's reaction is any indication of how Asha will react, then I know for sure that getting out of her life is the best option.
I'll just have to.
Plus, I am praying to Allah that Asha will still accept me regardless.
As soon as this is over, I will go back to praying at night like I used to.
I will go back to my midnight prayers In Shaa Allah. I just can't stop trying. I have finally found someone who is crazy and funny enough to be my wife, and I won't stop trying until she says yes.
I have to try.
In Shaa Allah.
Asha
I was so engrossed in my prayer, that no sound or noise coming from the living managed to distract me from my prayer.
"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power.
You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge that marrying Hamid (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings in it, for me.
O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here (in this world) and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain (destine) that for me and then make me satisfied with it."
I must have repeated this Duaa six or seven times, before I was finally calm and my soul satisfied.
Tears of relief threaten to flood my face, and I try my hardest to hold them back but they come anyway.
All of a sudden I hear the sound of ululations coming from the living room, and I wipe my tears with my hands.
Is he here? I open my door to catch a glimpse of what is happening, and I see him.
He looks so nervous, surrounded by my entire family. I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember that he is an HOUR late.
Do you know what? I'm just going to stay in my room and HE has to wait an hour now.
Yes, I am childish like that, thank you very much.
Subhan Allah though, I feel happy that he turned up. Not because I was afraid of how I might look in front of my family and friends, but I am actually__happy
I cannot explain it except, do you know that feeling you get when the weather finishes snowing and then calmness bestows?
The "I can hardly hear anything except the sound of my breathing".
That calmness is what I'm feeling right now. Every sound is drowned out. I can only feel calm.
I mean I am still mad, but I am also happy! I cannot explain it!
A knock on the door brings me back to reality.
"Asha come out, Hamid is here," comes the voice of Khadija, as she enters my room before I allow her to.
Honestly, Khadija is becoming a typical married lady. I think I'm going to cry!
"Yes, do come in please. Oh wait, you're already in," I reply sarcastically.
"What are you wearing, and have you been crying?" She asks while she takes my chin to examine my eyes.
Typical married lady behavior!
"I am fine," I reply taking her hand off my chin, gently may I add. "I just wanted to pray, that's all"
"Well, let's fix your make up then,"she says, getting up to look for my make up bag.
"Khadija, I want to look like this," I say quietly.
"You want to go out there, in front of the guests. Without make up?" Khadija asks gobsmacked.
"Yes?" I answer timidly.
"WHY?" She asks in a loud voice.
"Shush please, I don't want mum to come in," I warn her.
"ASHA WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET, AND HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING??" Mum asks as she bursts in my room.
Yeah, I should have DEFINITELY locked my room. Most definitely.
"She was praying," answers Khadija.
"Okay, now let's fix her face. Hamid is here," mum pretty much orders Khadija.
"Mum, I want to go looking naturally please. I want him to see me natural, possibly wearing this Abaya too." I say it with a chocked voice.
"No way!! You must look your best!! Khadija tell this person, she needs to look her best," mum pretty much challenges Khadija, whether she is willing to take her side or my side.
"The ceilings in your house MAA SHAA ALLAH! What Mohamed? Hold on, I can't hear you," Khadija talks to her invisible husband, and she walks out of the room.
Coward.
"Mum please, I was having major doubts so please let me do what I feel best for me," I say it almost pleadingly, because I know my mum means well. "Please".
"Oh okay then, do what you want. Let's just go out and meet the guests again," my mum gives up as she realizes I won't let this whole make up thing go.
So I go out to meet Hamid with my Hijab on, and his face lights up.
Everyone celebrates around us, and we eat. We also learn that Jawahir has to be admitted overnight, because they need to run some tests to determine what is going on.
Then everyone leaves, except my family of course.
"Asha, can I talk to you privately?" Asks Hamid, looking at Ahmed for reassurance.
"Children, let's go to the dinning room," my mum orders Mohamed, Ahmed and Khadija out of the room.
Ahmed follows reluctantly, and Mohamed gives Hamid a weird look! Like he knows what Hamid is about to tell me!
"Asha, I never intended for this to come out now. It is completely unacceptable that I've let it go this far before I told you everything about me." Hamid starts this very uncomfortable conversation!!
What is he about to tell me???
He has a wife back home?
He is in love with someone else?
What is it?
When he tells me, words fail me.
Is he absolutely SURE he hasn't got a wife back home instead?
I am gobsmacked, and speechless.
I am heartbroken.
~~~~~~
I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below!
31 comments:
This was awesome, and i loved the fact that you wrote the Dua of salatul istikhara, it was beautifull masha Allah. Nice chapter, I am excited for the next chapter as always :) Keep the good work sister.
omgggggg............................... aaaaaaaaah! words cannot explainnnn!!! i cant wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this one was awesomeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that is all? Is this what u r making us wait for two weeks? Y is all your writings so small? And why so much time in the between? Its dragging for so so long. I think i am waiting for this story to finish. Its not good anymore.
:'( that's so sad. Poor hamid. Yickes!! Is he gonna announce it just like that???
Jazakallah sweetheart, May Allah bless you little heart with love Ya Rab <3
In Shaa Allah the next one will be longer, and the end is near :)
Omg I need more
OMG!!!! I love this story!!! makes me want to cry! I can't wait for the next one!!!! in shaa ALLAH
I have two weeks holiday from work, so In Shaa Allah the next chapters will be longer :) x
In shaa Allah the next chapters will be longer because I have time off work :) Love you <3
OMG seriously a touching chapter sis! Her trust is also so inspiring mashAllah :)! Can't wait to see what happens !
Dear sis, I have time off work and the kids will be on holiday for two weeks so In Shaa Allah I can finish it within those two weeks Yaa Rab <3 Jazakallah for the lovely comment sweetheart xxx
MashaAllah very interesting chapter x
JazakaAllah Khair my sweet Fatusha x
I am a busy working mum of two. Trying my best, but thanx for taking the time to comment.
MashaAllah.. brilliant, although what a cliffhanger! Once again left in suspense. Well it gives me something to look forward to in the holidays. Lol :-)
AAAAAAAHH..common alawiya i hate suspense dont do that again...master piece i love it
AWWWWWWWWW HE SHOWEEEEED UP!!!!!!!!!! <3 i'M SOOOOOOO HAPPY GOT TEARS!!!
I promise the next chapter will be longer In Sha Allah bro. Thanks for the support :)
Ashuni he had to :) I'm so fond of the character, I had to make him show up :)
Masha Allah! what a cliff hanger but I wonder whats going to happen next. Cant wait for the next chapter In sha Allah :-)
A lot will happen my dear Miski :) May Allah give me health to write the remaining chapters Ya Rab <3
Ameen In sha Allah <3
its a series mashallah! where is the first1?
Salamu Alykum Lightening :) You can go to the top right corner on this page where it says Writers and look for Alawiya Abdalla and you shall find all the previous chapters In Sha Allah :)
i love how you connect us to Allah in the chapters and the fact that u reply to all comments.. May Allah give u a beautiful life in this world and the next for making us laugh this way where we are also thinking of Allah. May you find peace from your husband and children and be a source of peace to your parents. Ameen
Allah has really given you a skill, MashaAllah wa la howla wa la quwata. May Allah keep you away from the speck of arrogance. ameen.
Oh Maa Sha Allah what a nice Duaa sis <3 And I pray the same to you :) You have no idea how touched I am by this <3
Ameeeeeeen Ya Rab <3
salam.
whens the new chapter gonna be up?
i have no clue :( I've submitted the chapter and I am awaiting as well
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