Sep 24, 2012

Fights with siblings - Are we really related?

By Amal Milaa Filza


We differ like sweet and sour. When I am calm, you are excited. I can catch, yet you always miss. I sit in front but you hang out in the back. As I am asleep, you stay awake. While you are brave, I get afraid. You are Tom and I am Jerry. We laugh but also fight, arguing about who is right. We argue like I am a foreigner and you are the native. It always seems that you know the language and I constantly forget the words. I would tell you so much more if I thought you would listen and there is so much more you would tell me if you believed I would understand. You attack while I go into defense. Wherever I go right, you go left. We look alike yet we are so different. I can’t help but ask, are we really related?

When you are around the same people everyday, irritations can grow and conflicts can develop with some more than the other. Sometimes you just can’t believe that you are related to your siblings. They can be the complete opposite, like they are from a different planet. Obviously we still love them dearly but one moment they are kind yet the other they can be so cruel. It is almost impossible to avoid the fights at home with your siblings. Still we should try to prevent it as hard as it seems. Yet the worst thing is; they always know exactly what to say to get under our skin.

The Prophet Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Whoever would like his lifespan to be extended and his provision to be increased, let him uphold the ties of kinship.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1961; Muslim, 2557) 

Patience is the key

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)” [al-Anfaal 6:46] 

Most probably you have already heard this before, but it really is the best advice. The true winners in every fight are the ones that are patient and do not lower themselves to the level of the other. Be the better person! You can count to ten, bite your tongue, or just walk out of the room. A great example is the patience of Prophet Yousuf. Allaah subhaanahu wa ta'aala tells us that the patience of the Prophet Yousuf brought him to a position of power and strength, as He says:

“Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost” [Yousuf 12:90] 

Wasting hasanaat Shaytaan loves it when we fight, makes him feel oh so proud. Instead of fighting our siblings, we should fight the whispers of the Shaytaan. Whatever you do, do not lose your temper! The moment you start to scream, call names or even hit the other, you can wave your hasanaat goodbye. Anger is a terrible emotion and a temptation of Shaytaan. As soon as there is a conflict arising with your siblings we should think of pleasing Allah subhaana wa ta'aala and not Shaytaan!

“And if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.” [Fussilat 41:36] 

Do not forget that Shaytaan is weak, and that the power of Allah subhaana wa ta'aala is Greater and Better.

Make wudhu
Making wudhu has many blessing so when you are getting angry just go and make wudhu.

AbuWa'il al-Qass said: We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. 
A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; 
he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam as saying: “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.”
(Hadith - Sunan of Abu Dawood, Narrated Atiyyah as-Sa'di, r.a.) 

Always be kind
While they are being cruel, you should be kind. This always helps when my sister is trying to pick a fight with me. While she is saying mean things I always smile and reply with; “I will make dua for you.” This always makes her laugh and the tense atmosphere magically disappears.

After a while your relationship with your siblings will even improve because of your kindness.

Oh Allah, Pour out on us patience and constancy, and make 

us die as those who have surrendered themselves unto You. Ameen.

I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below! :)


Jazakallah khayrun, really enjoyed reading it and learn't a lot. Thank you

JazakAllahu Khairan! the pleasure was all mine:D I am glad you liked it!

Post a Comment