By Aasiya Maryam
“Teenage” – the transition stage from the innocent years of childhood to adulthood. Like the potter who gives shape to the clay, our actions, beliefs, knowledge, companions & decisions that are made in these years give shape to our future, they serve as a foundation for who we become!
Friends, fun, crushes, mood swings, and more friends – few of the things which every teenage life revolves around; but the fun also brings along with it peer pressure and stress. Talk about family either we don’t have the time for it or we don’t get along with our parents and hence stay away!
We consider ourselves to be grown up enough to be independent (“I can go out alone mom, I’m not a kid anymore!!”) but talk about responsibilities and we snap saying we are still too young for that. Let’s face it; these years could turn to be the most confusing years of life in terms of choosing the right career, maintaining the right balance between friends and family and above all finding who we are!
Sean Covey aptly put it when he said “Life for teens is no longer a playground, it’s a jungle out there!” If you ask me I would say for the 21st century teenage muslimah, it’s not just a jungle but a very dense jungle with poisonous animals and plants. In this situation, a compass which would help us navigate properly plus some knowledge and ideas on how to survive this jungle becomes necessary!
This series is my attempt to give some tips to my sisters in their adolescence. I, as your sister who has stepped out of her teens sometime back, want to pass on the wisdom that I gathered from my teen years to you, so that it might make this journey of yours as a teenage muslimah a little smoother, by the will of Allah. Some of things you read here might seem quite obvious, let’s take those as reminders and anything new you come across will be a learning process, inshaAllah!
Here are a few topics that will be covered in this series, inshaAllah –
· Friends 101.
· Tips on dealing with boys!
· Building a bridge between us and our parents.
· Making a difference – to yourself and people around.
· The journey to finding who you really are!
· Muslimah and her Deen
FRIENDS 101
Why it’s important to choose the right friends
The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” (Abu Dawud)
Our friends play the most important role in our teenage life. Most, if not all of our decisions and habits are a result of who we befriend.
We spend a good part of our day with friends, be it in school during weekdays or hanging out with them during the weekends. As a result our thoughts and beliefs reflect that of our friends. This is the reason why in Islam, a righteous companion is given utmost importance.
In his commentary of this Hadith, Imam an-Nawawi said that the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) compared a good companion to a seller of musk and spoke of the virtue of having companions who are good, who have noble manners, piety, knowledge and good culture. Such are those who grant us from their virtue. And (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) forbade us to sit with those who do evil, commit a lot of sins and other bad deeds, as well as with innovators, backbiters, and so forth.
Let me confess, I was a person who was always of the opinion that it doesn’t matter who my friends were. I felt no matter what my friends did I was strong enough and knew where I need to draw the line. But soon it turned out I was wrong, when I started slipping and doing pretty much everything my friends did! I don’t blame them but rather myself. I had forgotten that I was but a human and was created weak. Anyway, alhumdulillah, I learnt my lessons even if it was the hard way.
I sincerely hope that you do not commit the same mistakes that I did. This is the reason I want you lovely sisters to leave everything aside for now and reflect on this hadith.
I want you to reflect on who your friends are now. Do they remind you of Allah? Will they stop you if you fall into something wrong, Allah forbid? Above all, does being with them make you a better person in the sight of Allah?
4 quick tips on how to bring about a change:
Now that you have found the answers and if, Allah forbid, it’s a ‘no’ for most questions then here are quick tips to help you out:
Tip #1- Be friends with everyone: Never restrict yourself to one particular group or person. Talk to every girl in your class, no matter how ‘uncool’ you or your friends think she is (which I hope you as a muslimah will not think of anyone); she will have something positive to give you. Plus, as a muslimah each one of you is an ambassador of Islam. So your manners, character and equal respect for everyone will serve as a way of da’wah too.
Tip #2 – Take the middle path: You don’t have to stop talking to your current friends, I would not recommend doing that. Whoever they are, I know in some way they are possibly good but just not the best ones who would draw you closer to Allah. I understand that you love them and so you don’t have to cut off from them. But you should reduce the amount of time you spend with them. Especially if they are going out to a place and doing things which you know you should keep away from, then avoid going out with them. Mind you initially this is going to be tough but if your friends are the ones who you think will understand you and respect what you believe in, then be frank and explain it to them why you can’t join them. For e.g. If by having lunch with them you are going to be a part of gossiping & back-biting about others then don’t sit with them or If your school friends are going out with guys and you know you shouldn’t be joining them for the sake of Allah, then explain to them that you don’t want to hang out with guys due to reasons and they will understand, inshaAllah.
Tip #3 – Don’t Give in: Once you have taken up the decision to stop doing the things that your friends do, stick to your decision. Sometimes your friends might force you into going with them, stay stern and don’t let the pressure take over you. Also let me warn you, satan will definitely try whispering into your heart as to how your friends can do what they want but you can’t! But don’t give in to him. Remind yourself that the reward from Allah is 100 times better than this momentary happiness. Keep yourself occupied with some work so you don’t fall prey to Satan’s whisperings.
Tip #4 - Find new righteous friends: Join Islamic class or online Islamic forums, read and comment on sisters blogs or attend halaqas; these give you a platform not only to expand your knowledge on Islam but also to meet a lot of muslimahs from around the world(/your town), mashaAllah.
Dear sister, "You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return" (Musnad Al-Imam Ahmad). So go ahead, make up your mind and do this for His sake. InshaAllah, He’ll reward you in abundance.
May Allah bless us with righteous friends whose companionship may lead us to paradise. Ameen.
Next post on saving yourself from getting close and personal with boys. Until then work on your friend circle, girls, All the best!
I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below! :)
Bismillah
“Teenage” – the transition stage from the innocent years of childhood to adulthood. Like the potter who gives shape to the clay, our actions, beliefs, knowledge, companions & decisions that are made in these years give shape to our future, they serve as a foundation for who we become!
Friends, fun, crushes, mood swings, and more friends – few of the things which every teenage life revolves around; but the fun also brings along with it peer pressure and stress. Talk about family either we don’t have the time for it or we don’t get along with our parents and hence stay away!
We consider ourselves to be grown up enough to be independent (“I can go out alone mom, I’m not a kid anymore!!”) but talk about responsibilities and we snap saying we are still too young for that. Let’s face it; these years could turn to be the most confusing years of life in terms of choosing the right career, maintaining the right balance between friends and family and above all finding who we are!
Sean Covey aptly put it when he said “Life for teens is no longer a playground, it’s a jungle out there!” If you ask me I would say for the 21st century teenage muslimah, it’s not just a jungle but a very dense jungle with poisonous animals and plants. In this situation, a compass which would help us navigate properly plus some knowledge and ideas on how to survive this jungle becomes necessary!
This series is my attempt to give some tips to my sisters in their adolescence. I, as your sister who has stepped out of her teens sometime back, want to pass on the wisdom that I gathered from my teen years to you, so that it might make this journey of yours as a teenage muslimah a little smoother, by the will of Allah. Some of things you read here might seem quite obvious, let’s take those as reminders and anything new you come across will be a learning process, inshaAllah!
Here are a few topics that will be covered in this series, inshaAllah –
· Friends 101.
· Tips on dealing with boys!
· Building a bridge between us and our parents.
· Making a difference – to yourself and people around.
· The journey to finding who you really are!
· Muslimah and her Deen
FRIENDS 101
Why it’s important to choose the right friends
The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” (Abu Dawud)
We spend a good part of our day with friends, be it in school during weekdays or hanging out with them during the weekends. As a result our thoughts and beliefs reflect that of our friends. This is the reason why in Islam, a righteous companion is given utmost importance.
Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows (respectively). So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him." (Bukhari & Muslim)
In his commentary of this Hadith, Imam an-Nawawi said that the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) compared a good companion to a seller of musk and spoke of the virtue of having companions who are good, who have noble manners, piety, knowledge and good culture. Such are those who grant us from their virtue. And (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) forbade us to sit with those who do evil, commit a lot of sins and other bad deeds, as well as with innovators, backbiters, and so forth.
Let me confess, I was a person who was always of the opinion that it doesn’t matter who my friends were. I felt no matter what my friends did I was strong enough and knew where I need to draw the line. But soon it turned out I was wrong, when I started slipping and doing pretty much everything my friends did! I don’t blame them but rather myself. I had forgotten that I was but a human and was created weak. Anyway, alhumdulillah, I learnt my lessons even if it was the hard way.
I sincerely hope that you do not commit the same mistakes that I did. This is the reason I want you lovely sisters to leave everything aside for now and reflect on this hadith.
Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: "Your best friend is the one who seeing him reminds you of Allah, speaking to him increases you in knowledge, and his actions remind you of the Hereafter." (al-muhasibi)
I want you to reflect on who your friends are now. Do they remind you of Allah? Will they stop you if you fall into something wrong, Allah forbid? Above all, does being with them make you a better person in the sight of Allah?
4 quick tips on how to bring about a change:
Now that you have found the answers and if, Allah forbid, it’s a ‘no’ for most questions then here are quick tips to help you out:
Tip #1- Be friends with everyone: Never restrict yourself to one particular group or person. Talk to every girl in your class, no matter how ‘uncool’ you or your friends think she is (which I hope you as a muslimah will not think of anyone); she will have something positive to give you. Plus, as a muslimah each one of you is an ambassador of Islam. So your manners, character and equal respect for everyone will serve as a way of da’wah too.
Tip #2 – Take the middle path: You don’t have to stop talking to your current friends, I would not recommend doing that. Whoever they are, I know in some way they are possibly good but just not the best ones who would draw you closer to Allah. I understand that you love them and so you don’t have to cut off from them. But you should reduce the amount of time you spend with them. Especially if they are going out to a place and doing things which you know you should keep away from, then avoid going out with them. Mind you initially this is going to be tough but if your friends are the ones who you think will understand you and respect what you believe in, then be frank and explain it to them why you can’t join them. For e.g. If by having lunch with them you are going to be a part of gossiping & back-biting about others then don’t sit with them or If your school friends are going out with guys and you know you shouldn’t be joining them for the sake of Allah, then explain to them that you don’t want to hang out with guys due to reasons and they will understand, inshaAllah.
Tip #3 – Don’t Give in: Once you have taken up the decision to stop doing the things that your friends do, stick to your decision. Sometimes your friends might force you into going with them, stay stern and don’t let the pressure take over you. Also let me warn you, satan will definitely try whispering into your heart as to how your friends can do what they want but you can’t! But don’t give in to him. Remind yourself that the reward from Allah is 100 times better than this momentary happiness. Keep yourself occupied with some work so you don’t fall prey to Satan’s whisperings.
Tip #4 - Find new righteous friends: Join Islamic class or online Islamic forums, read and comment on sisters blogs or attend halaqas; these give you a platform not only to expand your knowledge on Islam but also to meet a lot of muslimahs from around the world(/your town), mashaAllah.
Dear sister, "You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return" (Musnad Al-Imam Ahmad). So go ahead, make up your mind and do this for His sake. InshaAllah, He’ll reward you in abundance.
May Allah bless us with righteous friends whose companionship may lead us to paradise. Ameen.
Next post on saving yourself from getting close and personal with boys. Until then work on your friend circle, girls, All the best!
I'd love to hear your views on this topic. Please post in the comments section below! :)
34 comments:
Thanks :) it's really helpful and 100% true
Alhumdulillah! :) Glad it helped!
JazkahAllah khair for posting this. As the mom of a teen muslimah I find this a great piece of advice for her and am looking forward to sharing the rest of the series with her inshallah.
Wa-iyyakum! :) May Allah make these series be helpful for her and all the teenage muslimahs!
hi,
i'm well out of my teen years and in college now, alhamdulillah. Tip #1 is the one thing I recommend to all teenagers. When I reflect on my high school years, i remember there was this one girl that i wish i had just said salaam too. she was a muslim, maybe a freshman or sophmore and would sit alone at lunch in the cafeteria. i was a senior at the time, and just learning islam. i wish i had sat with her just once. perhaps i could have established a new friendship. so always say your salaams and that is a great way to start a friendship :)
MashaAllah that's a lovely advice sister and very important too! I like the way you put it.. a great way to start a friendship, InshaAllah! :)
Jazakallahu Khair for sharing! :)
JazakAllaahu Khairan...a gr8 article.Al Hamdullilah as a mother of teenage boy sometimes its hard to make him understand to choose a friend. boys are so different then girls. sister ur article will help my son a lot.
Great article! I especially like the fact that you have divided the advice into sub-categories with university course-like names (Friends 101 for instance).
What you have mentioned here is very realistic. For instance, I have personally seen a few girls restricting themselves to just their "groups."
Looking forward to reading the next parts!
Wonderful!
A very nice article mashaAllah....JazakAllah khair for sharing it with us...though my children are still quite young i saved this on my pc for future reference inshaAllah
Great article. Mashaa Allah. Very beneficial indeed. Cant wait to read the next Inshaa Allah. Eager. May Allah reward you for your effort. Aameen :))
When is part 2 coming?
Wa-iyyaki! :)
inshaAllah! May Allah bless your son with righteous friends!
Alhumdulillah.. Jazakallahu Khair for your kind comment sis! :)
Alhumdulillah.. Jazakallahu Khair sis! :)
Alhumdulillah! .. Wa-iyyakum! :)
Alhumdulillah.. Jazakallahu Khair for your kind comment sis! :)
Ameeen to your dua! :) :)
inshaAllah, should be up in a few weeks!
JazakAllah, i'm waiting patiently
salam aleykum,
really like this and i wish i got this when i was a teenager, made some wrong decisions back then thats still affecting my life now all because i mixed with wrong sort of peeps.
well thank you kindly for this,will make sure my kids follow up with it.
People say u can't get influenced by the company u join, but wen it does happen to u, u don't realise it urself...
Walaikum assalam,
May Allah make things easy for u!
Alhumdulillah.. hope this article helps them practically !
that's very true!
alhamdulillaah. the sweetest company is that of righteous friends. and even sweeter, i feel sometimes, is the company of those who were with u in the "days of ignorance" but joined u on the journey to righteousness!
subhanaAllah, so well said sis! That would definitely be sweeter! :)
As salamualaikum,
JazakAllah khairan dear sister for posting this very beneficial article. It touched me deeply and may Allah give us all strength.
May Allah reward you with blessings in your life, I am sure many sisters will benefit from this, Insha'Allah, I am one of them, and you just cleared out certain points I had questions about.
I just wish it was easy to find good company of Muslim sisters where I live.
Walaikum Assalam,
wa-iyyaki and Ameen to your dua! Jazakallahu Khair and I am really glad it helped you, alhumdulillah!
Frankly, its the same where I live, but if we stay strong and change for good then may be Allah might make us that good companion to someone else who is in need of one, inshaAllah, and in addition to being happy that someone is being guided and Allah has chosen us to be their that friend, we will also be able to gain the ajar because of it, inshaAllah!
SubhanAllah, sometimes it feels that you're actually really talking to me, like you know me.
There is actually a new sister who reverted to Islam in August 2011, and she came up to me and asked me if I would be her friend because she doesn't know any other Muslim sisters in the area nor any good girls to company. We meet once in a while in university, but I am glad I met her, Alhamdulillah.
I try to be better and it can be quite a challenge sometimes with what the surrounding is like, but they're all tests from Allah. May Allah give us the strength to endure hardships.
And I fully agree with what you say. :)
JazakAllah khairan once again, may Allah bless you.
SubhanAllah! :) So pleased to know that sis! :)
I understand.. especially when we are around ppl who are doing pretty much everything we shouldn't it's hard to not get influenced! If nothing .. there is definitely an incredible drop in our iman.. May Allah protect us and never let us go astray!
Ameeen to your dua!P.S. Everything good from my words is from Allah (swt).. and anything incorrect is from the evil of my ownself.
Masha Allah! Jzk for the series.....Easy read but very beneficial.
Remembering my teenage years as well as working with young people now, i know how big a part friends play in the life of a teen. As its said popularly, friends 'Make' or 'Mark' you. Pray this advice benefits all - parents and teens & Pray for friendships that make our teens among the youth/people of Jannah in sha Allah.
Alhumdulillah.. JazakaAllahu Khair sis! :) Very rightly said, mashaAllah! Ameen at you dua! :)
Jazakallahu khair... Allah's blessing #lilmusz
As salamu alaikum! Alhamdulilah, your article is very informative and truthful on all counts! I am just about to say goodbye to my teenage years in sha Allah but I find your article and advice broad enough for women of all ages. Teenagers have it rougher but choosing to be surrounded by good friends or bad friends is a lifetime struggle after all.
Once again, wonderful beginning to a very much needed series of articles! xoxo!
Ma'asalam!
Assalaamu ' alaykoum, sister, this was very useful and helpful, especially at the moment! Jazaki ALLAHOU Khayran for sharing with us. Much love nad best wishes.
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