In Defence of Prophet's Multiple Marriages (Part 1)

by Hiba Khan

A controversial subject

Polygamy in Islam is one of the most difficult concept to accept - for non-Muslims and Muslims alike. Many enemies of Islam love to defame the Religion and its Prophet through this topic alone. They portray Muhammad sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam to be a man with insatiable desires. We seek refuge with Allah from assuming such lowly, slanderous thoughts about the best man who ever set foot on this planet - the man with the highest morals and most excellent of character!

Logic versus ethics

After being given logical answers regarding the wisdom behind plural marriages – for example the high ratio of women to men resulting in a lot of unmarried women; increasing the population of the Muslim ummah to make it a strong nation; giving protection through marriage to orphan girls as well as divorced and widowed women left alone in society; providing for and fathering fatherless children, and so on – many still question how ethical plural marriages can actually be.

What research tells us about the nature of polygamy

Allan and Barbara Pease, bestselling authors and renowned relationship experts who have been conducting researches over many years, say in their book Why Men Don’t Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes:

“For almost all of human existence, males have been polygamous for survival reasons. Men were always in short supply because so many were killed while hunting or fighting, so it made perfect sense for their survivors to adopt the widowed females into their harems. This would also give the men a greater opportunity to pass on their genes. From a species survival point, it made sense for a male to have ten or 20 females, but made no sense for one female to have ten or 20 males as she could only bear one offspring at a time. Only 3% of animal species, such as foxes and geese, are monogamous. Each sex is the same size and colour and you usually can’t tell which is which. The brains of most other male species, including humans, are not hardwired for monogamy. This is the reason men will put off making a commitment to one woman for as long as possible and why so many men have difficulty being monogamous in a relationship.”

Although the authors don’t support polygamy, they admit that it was done for survival reasons and because it’s “hardwired” into the male brain. This “hardwiring” is actually called the FITRAH – the natural inclination of man that God has created him with. The authors also admit that, because of this hardwiring, it’s difficult for a man to stay committed in a monogamous relationship.

Is there any doubt about the wisdom of Islam then, that a man can lawfully fulfill his needs within the boundaries of marriage, without having to fall into the evils of adultery?

The prime condition that comes with polygamy

Islam stipulates that if a man chooses to have more than one wife - up to four are allowed – then it is INCUMBENT on him to do JUSTICE between the wives:

“... But if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly [with them], then [marry only] ONE... That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.” [Al-Qur'aan – Soorat-un-Nisaa 4: 3]

In fact, Islam is the only religion that makes a statement about marrying ONE woman, whereas no such statement can be found in other holy scriptures.

It’s in our genes, but we have a choice

The fact that God has not hardwired monogamy into the brains of men does not mean that men are animalistic in nature. Rather, they have full discretion to make their own decisions based on intellect and a sense of conscience - so justice is very much possible, if one intends it.

The authors continue to write:

“We differ from other species... in that our advanced brains... let us make conscious decisions about what we will or won’t do, so it’s never enough for cheating men to protest that they couldn’t help themselves. They always had a choice.”

What about women?

“For a woman, being committed, at least until her offspring are self-sufficient, is hardwired into her psyche.”

What’s all the fuss about?

Over 1400 years ago in Arabia, it was an accepted cultural norm to have multiple wives. No one thought anything of it – there were no implications of it being barbaric, unethical, primitive and the like. Hence the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam didn’t do something out of the ordinary, nor was he doing something that was frowned upon during that period of time.

The “rules” of the world keep changing according to the views of people rather than according to the facts. As recently as twenty-five years ago, it was perfectly normal and acceptable for a young woman, 17 years of age, to have a completely arranged marriage, with no courtship period, with a man fifteen years elder to her. And in many cases, these marriages have turned out to be very successful. Today, in times of promiscuity and more “liberal” thinking, such a marriage or engagement would be looked down upon as foolish, narrow-minded, illogical, ignorant, unjust, and so on.

The point is: If something was culturally acceptable in the past and it worked out perfectly well, then what’s there to make fun of or degrade in it? Didn’t the people of those times have brains, to decide for themselves? The problem lies not within the things we love to fashionably criticize, but it lies with our limited, prejudiced mindsets, due to the decadence of our societies.

To be continued, inshaAllah. Please take this discussion forward with me and post your views regarding this issue in the comments section!

Posted in: Hiba,Islam,polygamy,Relationships,Women,Writers