Compassionate Sisters

by Umm Amin

Bismillahi Arrahmani Irrahiim

What I love most about my kids, is that they remind me of my own words. Subhana Allah wa ta ‘alaa. Have you ever reminded your child not to be gloomy with all the angels around making adkhar? Have you ever encouraged them to do a good deed, and then found your children persuading you to go further or motivating you to action for a good cause? It seems like when I advise my children on how to behave, I end up finding a reason to take it to heart myself. The other day I stubbed my toe. I was about to mutter something under my breath about a toy being left out when my daughter reminded me, “Have Taqwa towards Allah subHan Allah wa ta alaa wherever you are, and follow a bad deed with a good deed, so that you may erase it, and deal with the people in a good manner.” (At-tirmidhi) The icing on the cake was a lopsided but genuine smile, as she jubilantly tilted her head from side to side.

Alhamduillah we interact with many people throughout the day, but it seems like we are hardest on our own children, our own family, and our own sisters in Islam. We offer a critical eye rather than an empathetic shoulder to lean upon. We might see a sister wearing a hijab in a style that does not fit our personal approval or understanding of Islam, discounting that she is taking steps to cover in a society that chastises women for being modest. We might see our children investing their time in a colorful art project, and hone in on the glue leaking from the corners. We complain our kids are not completing tasks in a way that measures up to our expectations. We might shun sisters that are struggling to learn the tenets of Islam, or distance ourselves from those that are tested with difficulties of life. Ultimately we need to ask ourselves, are we really being compassionate sisters for the sake of Allah?

Before we offer up that unsolicited comment, we need to think of the impact of our actions and purify our intentions. Do we have our own problems to resolve? Will pointing out an error at the particular moment foster mortification, defensiveness, and mistrust? Can we choose a more appropriate time and setting to discuss the concerns in a friendly manner? Are we really fearing Allah and considering our own idiosyncrasies and mistakes? Are we trying to correct ourselves and learn from our daily trials? Are we really enjoining the good and forbidding the bad, or do our comments tear down others? Do our disapprovals take away from a fellow sister’s spark of success? Are we breaking down someone’s self esteem and creating a kerfuffle to camouflage our own lackadaisical stance?

Before pointing out others’ shortcomings, we need to reflect upon this simple Hadith. Let’s repeat it, “Have Taqwa towards Allah subHan Allah wa ta alaa wherever you are, and follow a bad deed with a good deed, so that you may erase it, and deal with the people in a good manner.” (At-tirmidhi).

What does that really mean? When we formulate a suggestion or offer words of advice, we need to pause and consider that no matter where or who we are, our actions should be done with consciousness that Allah is aware of our true intentions. We will be held accountable for whatever we do, so it is better to catch ourselves before we even make a mistake or treat others scornfully. If we do commit a mistake, we need to make an effort to rectify it and set out to replace that slip up with goodness. Contemplating the importance of treating others with integrity, we will be confident that this can be accomplished by treating others well. This plain statement provides essential guidance for seeking the pleasure of Allah.

May Allah put barakah in our motherhood and make us compassionate sisters in Islam! Ameen!

I'd love to hear your views on this article. Please tell me in the comments section below :)

Posted in: Islam,Parenting,Relationships,Umm Amin,Writers