Jun 24, 2011

You Are Not Alone

By Seema Muhammad Belushi

Allah subhaana wa ta’aala has given us two precious gifts that of our parents with a lot of love and mercy in their hearts for us. In our father Allah subhaana wa ta’aala has given us someone who works hard to keep us safe and away from worries of the life. In the same way Allah subhaana wa ta’aala has given us a mother whose love and warmth helps the child to develop into a better human being.

These two great figures are in reality the most “Precious Gifts” for any child. Those people are the lucky ones who have the love and companionship of their parents. Those who have lost their parents feel the deprivation and the empty space in their lives after they are gone. In particular the “unmarried” sisters, as for them living a lonely life are not always easy.

Unfortunately we live in a society where it is important for a girl who is not married yet to have the presence of the parents in her life for there is no substitute for them even if she has many other relatives. But that is not always the case. Once the girl is all by herself she faces the biggest challenges in life. It is during this time when she has to face the biggest truth of life that is she has “nobody” who really cares for her.

There are sisters who are alone in life, unmarried, and who have no choice but to lead such a life. It is hard to live such a life, but it is not always impossible to do so. There are many girls like that who live alone but even then lead a flourishing life. I know of one such sister Aliya who was left all by herself after her parents passed away:

“My parents died seven years ago within a span of six months between each other. During this time I got to know my relatives closely after living with them for sometime. I instantly knew that they did not want me in their lives as for them I was nothing but just “a burden.” This thought hurt me a great deal but I did not lose hope. During this inflexible phase in my life I only remembered Allah subhaana wa ta’aala. I asked Allah subhaana wa ta’aala to give me strength. I had completed my education but did not have any work experience. I loved reading as a child and during the lifetime of my parents I had started writing for some local children’s magazine and newspapers. I started writing again for the different magazines which increased my knowledge and eventually helped me financially. Today I live alone but am satisfied with my life. Now when I look back at life I feel Allah subhaana wa ta’aala had given me the prospect to become a responsible woman when my parents were still alive so that I may become self-sufficient when the time comes. This is the reason that after my parents death it was very easy for me to acclimatize to my new life and face the different challenges boldly.

It’s depressing but the truth is a woman who is single and alone is not easily welcomed in the society because she does not have a father or guardian which makes it hard for her to lead a normal life. But with determination and power this problem could be resolved just like in the case of sister Aliya. She also says that if she had not acknowledged the fact that she can help herself get through this stage of her life instead of feeling sorry for herself which could have made her weak and dependent on her relatives she would not have been in the place she is in today. “Allah subhaana wa ta’aala knows that when my relatives had shown me their true color that one thing gave me the might to do something for myself.”

Now this is just a story of one sister. There are many sisters like that, which makes me think about how Allah subhaana wa ta’aala is the lone provider and the real custodian for all. Sister Farah who is in her forties shares her story: “My mother passed away when I was in my late twenties. My father had already passed away years before; her death came as a shock to me as I was very close to her. After her death I went to live in with my brother and his wife. But after some days I could feel the change in their attitude towards me so I decided to get a place of my own. I was a trained school teacher so I took up the job of teaching permanently. At first I faced a lot of resistance from my relations who said whatever they desired about me just because I was a woman. Alhamdullilah today I am happy and comfortable with life that Allah subhaana wa ta’aala has helped me in every step I had taken. I do feel sorry about the way women are treated in our society in particular when they have no guardian.”

For all the women who are ‘alone’ out there should know that in reality they are not the only ones who are alone in this life but there are many like them in this world. If you are a knowledgeable/educated woman you can always work and lead a normal life. After the parent’s death life becomes hard for a single woman but it does not become unattainable. To lead a pious life sister you have to help yourself - do something for yourself. Don’t lose hope.

Truly, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Quran 13:11)

I'd love to hear your views on this article. Please tell me in the comments section below :)


Masha'allah, very good!

jazakAllah khair! :)

I identify with these sisters as I am also a woman who is alone and has lost both parents.  And I am sure, financial security is perhaps not the main problem these sisters face.  I think more than that, it is the loneliness, because as rightly pointed out, society does not welcome us as you may think  Yes, people sometimes invite us, but it increasingly becomes awkward... it is easier to invite people who have similar lives... children the same age, etc. etc. So one tends to become quite isolated.  When we interact, we get lots of questions, lots of probing into our lives, so much so that one almost tends to want to become a recluse.  There is also difficulty in terms of not really having someone to seek advice from, etc. And also, it is not easy in general for a woman to live alone... she may be confident, independent, etc... but there are so many challenges and I think any woman needs a male such as a father, husband, brother or son, to help protect herself... I am finding it hard to explain this point, but perhaps other sisters in this position will be able to identify with this.

This is a very different and beneficial topic, and I think many sisters will be able to relate to this article. One thing I must add is that, as you can see by reading this article, it is indeed very important for women to be educated (both in secular and Islamic studies), so that in case of emergency, they can find work and be self-sufficient. Therefore, ladies, for the sake of Allah, raise your aspirations and study hard inshaaAllah! Gather as much knowledge as possible.

mashALLAH great thought...

This is very touching and I can relate to it :(

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