Parents tend to focus more on inappropriate behaviour, and rarely praise or reward good behaviour. Failing to realise that enforcing positive behaviour/efforts, leads to more good behaviour and happy confident kids!
In my upcoming articles, I will be discussing ways to reward our kids without being excessive. We need to give praise in the right way, in the right amount and for the right things.
Are you more likely to praise your kid, for winning than for trying hard? The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam praised and encouraged the sahabah in a positive manner. Ibn Abbas tells us that throughout the many years he lived with the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, he never once scolded him. The Prophet’s method of parenting was through praise and reward. He always adopting a positive mental attitude. This is the principle we need to adopt, when designing a reward system for our kids.
The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam also tells us “whatever I order you to do, do it as best as you can. And whatever I forbid you to do, avoid it completely” – (Bukhari). It’s clear from this hadith that the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam did not want to burden us.
“Whoever comes with goodness, for him there will be ten (goodness) like it, and whoever comes with an evil, he will not be recompensed except with the like of it” (Q6:160). Allah is so generous that He rewards good intentions that have not been carried out. Applying this principle to parenting, means we should focus largely on encouraging positive behaviour.
Rewarding a kid for good behaviour, increases the chances of that behaviour re-occurring and helps to decrease negative actions. Ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good causes the kid, to lose interest in inappropriate actions that do not provide a reward/satisfaction. To develop this system, simply create a token economy using points and a reward chart. This helps in developing and encouraging good behaviour in your kids.
- Khafayah Abdulsalam of www.umuka.com
to be continued.....
Next: 6 ways to reward your kids
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