Sep 23, 2009

Nikkah/Marriage Advice - by sisters, for sisters

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Nikkah/Marriage Advice - by sisters, for sisters

What words of advice & encouragement can you share with a sister who is soon to be married in sha allah and soon to enter a new chapter in her life, sharing it with her future husband in sha allah ?

·         Be compassionate and patient and to always be there for her husband, almost like we are to our bff
·         Congratulations always seek to please allah swt:) and follow the sunnah of your nabi rasool saw and may he treat you like a queen and fulfil his islamic obligations towards you ..... You are right:)) but haqq and haqooq laid down by allah swt is for both man/woman:)
·         Stay patient and calm even if u see something u don't like. When the anger or frustration dies down then talk about it. Don't try and talk about it when ur emotional else u might say something u will regret later. People tend to make big deals over small things. It's just not worth it. Remember ur partners in marriage, ur always on the same team :) may allah bless all the muslimeens marriages :)
·         I always say this advice and sometimes sisters take offence off of it but regardless its true: treat him like a king, he's your door to jannah. If this relationship is solid then other minor things will be overlooked in sha allah
·         Pick your battles, and yes, if something upsets you... Wait till you've calmed down before u discuss it. Also, evaluate whether the issue is really that important to you afterall. Us, women, like to discuss most of our feelings with our huabands, just as we would a best friend, but the truth is that the opp sex doesn't view everything in the way that women do :) have patience and listen to him... Men are usually simple.
·         Even if you think he is wrong, let him learn it for himself. A man never wants his wife to tell him what to do.
·         Do not try to control..that is a major problem in both cases...and seek allah's help and guidance in every decision it really helps and alleviate a lot of problems....respect each other...
·         Love each other feesibililah very important...insha'allah...may allah bring them together in spiritual bond...ameen
·         Have patience,be merciful and forgiving to your husband,show him lots of love and respect ,be a mirror of what you want from him ,and inshallah follow the examples of our beloved prophet of allah ,,make your home his place and yours of rememberance of allah and a place of rest and tranquility and family inshallah :)
·         Read the book 'the surrendered wife' by laura doyle and attend the online seminar by yasir qadhi at these 2 have made me understand men better. I wish i knew this a long time ago, when i first got married, or even before that.
·         Compromise and focus on allah are the keys to a successful marriage
·         The success is when both have the same goal - to please allah swt- after that everything is easy. The disagreements come and go its normal so don't get upset about having them. Its how you deal with it that makes it productive. To deal with it in a peaceful manner is always the best way. Keep problems out of the bedroom. Never discuss serious things there except for the seriously sweet somethings. Never discuss what goes on in your house with anyone except your mom who may help you as long as she is muslim. 

Best of all - your husband is allah swt's blessing to you. So don't mistreat him. Remember you are also the blessing from allah swt to him, so make sure you act like it. No bad words or cussing each other out. They only decrease your status as a muslim woman, your dignity, and also your integrity. A husband always likes his woman to be smart. First things first, your deen. If you don't take care of that, everything else fails - miserably. 

Remember, you are a team, not you do this and he does that. You help each other. Make sure to make duaa that allah swt makes you the wife that your husband needs every day so that you are able to take care of him with the help of allah swt completely. 

Most important, the happiest home is the one who remembers allah swt often and does everything possible to keep shaytan away from it. Make sure to say bismillah when doing anything in your house, and salamu alaykom when coming in the door and all those wonderful things to keep shaytan out. 

For sure to tell your husband what to do may not be very nice, but suggestions and reminders are wonderful and encouraging when done in a nice way.
·         I agree :) one of the great things about it is that the topic will attract the men... And once they are lured in by the actual topic, they must listen to all the relationship stuff that most men don't care to hear, before they get their reward of satisfying their curiosity about the other stuff lol
·         I would hesitate on telling too much to your mother, unless you know she will be objective...if you have someone that is, be it your mother or a friend, then that's fine...otherwise you are best to work out things between yourselves and not get others involved.
·         Be yourself and give her man a lot of love, all day everyday and keep hime happy, i love it

·         A cute advice someone told me"

"marriage is like a climbing a mountain"
*she puts 2 hands together to make a mountain*

"god is on top/tip of the mountain & each of you (husband & wife ) is on each side of the mountain."
"the main goal in your life is to please god & be closer to him" (to the top)
*she makes gestures with her fingers that both husband & wife is climbing the mountain on each of their side*

"you see,the more you climb up & try to get closer to god,the closer you will be together (top/tip of the mountain).
"now,both of you,have to try their best to climb up,i know sometimes its hard to do the climbing,but you have to know that your partner is on the other side of the mountain climbing too & dealing with their own struggles & will be waiting for you at the top!"

"and that is your main goal,to get closer to god.
And cant you see,the more both of you try to climb up to get closer to him,the more both of you get closer to each other.
The more god see's your love in trying to be closer to him,the more he is pleased with you,& in return,you will be pleased & blessed with each other."
·         Salat! Patience! Patience! And kind words!
·         Salat, dauh, patience, kind words, and following quran and sunnah. Insha allah she will have a blissful marriage
·         Read d buk bride's boon, treasure chest of reminder. Patience is d watch word. Wishg them marital bliss

  • ·         Be ur them self, be proud them self, and be true to them self, i love it, it is we not me, get it if u don't make sure u get it, because do it again and again, and agian more time, i lvoe it
  • ·         Do dua istikhara
  • ·         Patience, dua, ready to forgive, share all your feelings with partner as if u do with ur best friend... Be kind and ready to forgive, dont be adamant...
  • ·         Make dua every day to keep you and your husband good together sister... :-) may allah grant you happiness and blessings together.
  • ·         I would say keep his secrets save all the time,look your best,and know that marriage life is a test so try to study before the exam=meaning read the ahadeeth of the prophet and any useful book about muslim families.may allah make it easy for you be patien for the transition for the firs years!
  • ·         By the book "101 things i wish i knew before i got married, " it's excellent!!! (of course, few nonislamic elements here and there- personal disclaimer) but each chapter title is a gem, only few pages each concept, and really full of exceptional insight for marriage!
  • ·         Amazing book "family structure in islam" -
  • ·         I would add to all the wonderful pieces of advice above: lower your expectations :-) purely because us women have a tendency to dream up romance scenarios . I used to be like this before lol
  • daily married life is not always easy so to be realistic beforehand is important :-)
  • ·         One of the sahabi, i think that it was abu hurairah, said that when he married his wife and they were alone with each other, he reached out his hand to her. And she said, wait a moment, my husband. I do not know what you like, and you do not know what i like. Tell me what you like, and i will tell you what i like.
  • He said that he answered her questions, and she answered his, and then they both tried to live up to what the other had said. He also said that they were married for twenty years, and he was very pleased with her the entire time.
  • So that is my advice: communicate, say what it is that you like, and what it is that you do not like, and try to keep in mind what each other has said, to please each other for the sake of allaah ta'alaa. And in doing so, you earn the rewards of allaah, and it is he who puts love between the hearts of the believers.
  • ·         'Be like a slave girl to him and he will be like a slave boy to you' quite a famous saying from a mother to her daughter. Its also in the book 'you can be the happiest woman' insha'allah she will have the happiest married life salam x


Masha'allah theres some great advice posted up there by the sisters. I'd just like to recommend one book which I've been reading recently and it really has been very beneficial although I am a single person. The book is called 'Asharaf's Blessings of Marriage' and the reason why I found it so beneficial is that it has information which a person can use prior to getting married for example advice when looking for a marriage partner but also looks at the marriage process, after a person gets married and also advice on family life etc. Basically it covers everything a person would need to know whether they're single/married or a family person. The book can be purchased via this website:

Salaam :)

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